About Slavywavy Expertise I could answer:
D/s and M/s issues
Sensual Play
Bondage
Breast Torture
Spanking
Flogging
The psychology of submission
Safety issues
RACK
Relationship issues
How to tell someone you are into BDSM
Red flags when you meet a Dominant online
Internet safety
First meeting
Safe calls
Safe words
Limits
Fisting
Humiliation play
Infantilism
Age play
Puppy play
Collars
Aftercare
The tenets of a M/s relationship
I can't comment on:
Whips and other edgy impact toys
Needle play
Cutting
Branding (except for its symbolic value)
Scat
Asphyxiation
Edge play
Experience I have been a 24/7 slave now for more than 5 years. I live with my husband and Master. I have also been quite active in some of the communities where I lived and have played or scened quite a lot. I have helped new submissives to find their feet when entering the lifestyle countless times.
Education/Credentials Gave lectures on subspace and on being a slave. Helped in training programs by being the model and by giving my time to help organise it.
Question hi,
My names Kat and I'm 19, and I've been with my boy friend for over 3 years now. 2 years ago i expressed my interest in bdsm to him and he agreed to try it. we competely separated our play and normal life as though I'm masochistic and somewhat submissive i didn't want him to have complete control over me and he didn't want it either. things our normal relationship kept getting worse but our play stayed great, until he cheated on me. later we got back together and now have a great relationship however our play has suffered. Is it possible to have both?
he says he doesn't like hurting me or being in control anymore yet previously seemed to enjoy it vey much. can people change that much so quickly? i don't understand as i feel bdsm is ingrained in me,i doubt i could get rid of my desires even if i wanted to.
could you prehaps recomend a way for my to show him that bdsm is still okay and that theres many ways for it to be enjoyable?
many thanks for your time
kat
Answer Hi there Kat
First of all I really feel for you. I know how tough this must be for you and know that you are not alone. I really do not have all the information I would need to answer this question more completely but it looks to me like the inflicting of pain is really not your boyfriend's thing. See if he is open to reading something like: "When Someone you love is kinky". Here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/dp/1890159239
Also I wrote an article on the same subject on AC. The link is here:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/955987/kinky_confessions_how_to_tell_your.html?cat=7
You could ask him to read and then leave him be - the art to this is not putting any pressure on him. I can see how he could struggle equating love with pain as many people find themselves in that place. Dossie Easton has a wonderful way of explaining the whole needing BDSM though in the book I mentioned, so maybe it will help.
Now you also need to realise that you will need to decide what you need more if he does not warm up to this. Do you want the great relationship with him or do you want the BDSM without him. That is unless you could agree to an open relationship where you find a dominant to whatever is necessary to scratch that itch and go home to your boyfriend. Remember though that if this is an option, all of you need to set the rules together.
Hopefully the book works, but if not I hope you know that I will be here to answer any more questions you might have.
