Expert: CougarDomme - 6/29/2009

Question
hi,
My names Kat and I'm 19, and I've been with my boy friend for over 3 years now. 2 years ago i expressed my interest in bdsm to him and he agreed to try it. we competely separated our play and normal life as though I'm masochistic and somewhat submissive i didn't want him to have complete control over me and he didn't want it either. things our normal relationship kept getting worse but our play stayed great, until he cheated on me. later we got back together and now have a great relationship however our play has suffered. Is it possible to have both?
he says he doesn't like hurting me or being in control anymore. can people change that much so quickly? i don't understand as i feel bdsm is ingrained in me,i doubt i could get rid of my desires even if i wanted to.
could you prehaps recomend a way for my to show him that bdsm is okay and that theres many ways for it to be enjoyable?

many thanks for your time
kat

Answer
Kat,
BDSM is hard wired into us, and while others may dabble in it, the ones among us who are seriously into it never lose the fire that burns for the play time.
I think you are probably more of a bottom than a sub which is not a slam, it just means that you like the BDSM scene as a sex game but don't care to have it become a lifestyle or to have anyone else make decisions for you. There's nothing wrong with this, you just need to make it clear up front.
Sadly, your soon to be ex-BF isn't in the game.  He did it to make you happy but his heart is not in it and never will be and this means he's not the one for you. You're young, but you will find the right one and learn about BDSM in the interim to be sure of what you want and who you are.