Expert: Mistress Violette - 6/17/2009

Question
I got this email from a new submissive that I'm training...I would like to help her thru what I here is called "The Come Down"..... "I can't stop crying. It all hit me this morning ... I was pretty numb mentally all day yesterday nothing had registered yet and then when I woke up I felt like crap like I betrayed myself like I don't know who I am anymore but yet I want more and I feel so guilty about that feeling ... How could I want more? Why do I want to feel so much pain? How do I tell the difference between superficial and true reality? How do I snap out of this! Every single time I look in the fucking mirror another bruise appears but instead of hating it I'm saying to myself that I deserved it and I was lucky it wasn't worse ... that they are your marks and it represents your property ... fuck, this shit is way crazy. I feel like I have no power over myself, no control. All I think about is you and how to make myself better for you, how to better please you."

Answer
Hello, Mr. Brown,

The two of you need to talk. Your submissive needs some reassurance. It seems like this type of play is pretty new to her. She's having trouble reconciling her enjoyment of the experience with what she's been taught about relationships. You're going to have to discuss the difference between control that's willingly surrendered and abuse. It's important that she not feel guilty about doing something she wants to do, especially if she's fulfilling a desire in a safe environment. She needs to know that her feelings, her desires and even her confusion are normal and that you're there to take care of her and help her sort them out. If you've accepted this much control it's important that you be available to her. She needs more support now and she has to know she can depend on you.

It's good that she's comfortable sharing this and you now have some valuable information. Now that you know she reacts this way, in the future you can move more slowly and be more attentive to after care. Right now, you're doing the right thing by supporting her through this. It's all part and parcel of being a competent, caring dominant and can be quite fulfilling in its own way.

Good luck and have fun,

Mistress Violette