Expert: Master Shadow - 7/14/2009

Question
I started online chatting in Dec of 08, I ran across a dom/mentor I was curious and he said he teach me etc. as a mentor, about the buffs of online and lifestyles, we chatted for about 5 months all the time he never asked much of me but for essays about the things he taught me and how I felt about it, never having any experience in it he was very helpful and kind and cause me to want to learn more (I read way to much) well after talking for 5 months he said there was nothing else he could teach me over the computer which was fine and I understood. So I’ve started chatting with random people and reading fetish online and trying thing’s out on my own to myself , I told a few and shared faceless picture of thing’s I have done they said I could possibly be a “painslut” not sure if that just a online term, but my question after talking to this one person and telling him the things I’ve done to my self and that I didn’t feel any pain at all “ he goes to say that I must need a good mind fuck (my innocent answer was I don’t have problems getting myself off) “ he ask me a few more questions and that was it. Tell the next day or so I was on cam he asked me a few questions again, then have after few of my answers  “he goes ooh no you are damaged you seen abuse”  well he hit the button on the nose and still am unsure how he did with very little talk and just a few questions. He asks if he was correct I told him I couldn’t answer the question.

Well my questions are

How can a person tell if your damaged goods and or seen abuse?
After he ask that question I got a bit defensive and turned my cam off, I learn to live with what I have been threw and seen , but him being able to see that in me without much talk or conversation makes me wonder if there a sign above my head, it weirded me out he went along to ask if it would interfer if he ever wanted to play with me I explain to him that it wouldn’t and that past is the past and I’ve learned to deal with it as part of my life, he goes on to say that you cant with  it as it always apart of you , I assured him that I could

What is mindfuck and what does it have to do with causing pain?
(The things I have tried on my own just by reading online is chopsticks on my nipples, and cloth pins on nipples and on cunt lips and clit and hair clips, I have tried ginger root and ice cube in the butt and pop stickles, vicks I think that about it  but none of that cause much pain or discomfort )

Sorry I tend to babble and have more questions, I have been with my husband sense I was 16 we got married at a very young age I have only willing been with him and he has only been with me we’ve been together none stop for 13 years and are almost married 10 years, he know some of my past but get to sensitive when I talk to him about it so I don’t, I don’t want to be felt sorry for either, but I have been trying to talk him into having a open marriage, I have even offered to find him a girlfriend of his likening , but he told me if I cant satisfied you what make you think I can with another woman, were lacking experience in just the basic of sex and sense our 3 wonderful kids our sex life has died even more, I told him once that I flashed my tits online he got really upset with me, I am like there just tits men run around flashing there man boobs all the time so why can woman flash there’s. I have found out that I enjoy talking and playing a sub “playing cause never tried it in real life” it excites me to told as I am told etc, so on my birthday I went to the hardware store and bought some eye bolts and the softest rope I could find took some sexy pictures and took picture of the rope and eye bolts and cloths pins/toys and emailed him said he can do as he wishes to me, nothing came out of it. So ended up putting the stuff away, around his b-day he told me that he wanted me to top him and that I could do anything I told him I am to passive I wiggled my way out of it. I told him that I could find him someone to top him, but he wasn’t interested. How do 2 adults both passive make it work out he seem to be playing with it on his computer and me toying with the idea on my computer? And our normal sex life has went down the drain, we have grown apart in many ways, I am not the jealous type and am very willing to let him play with others if he is careful and hopefully gets fixed don’t need any babies running around, I have hinted time over time but he says all he needs is me, which makes me feel guilty for wanting to try something or someone new. And chatting with people on the net is making me have the urge for more but refuse to cheat could never ever do that, but I feel I am cheating him out of a better partner/ and me, well that seem to be my and my life in a nut shell, “well I should stop babbling cause I can go on and on and on lol, sorry about grammar and spelling, spell-check can’t even help me at times”
“Just curious and/confused” and again sorry for the super long writing I seem to babble its a curse I have.


Answer
Zola, give me a bit to think on this, as it IS complicated, and needs have the proper amount of thought behind the answer. I don't like to just rattle off answers, but prefer to think out things first, so that I can give your question the proper answer it deserves.



                                             SINcerely in Leather,
                                             Master Shadow.