Expert: Oscar G. - 7/4/2009

Question
I will start with a little background on my relationship before asking my question.  I met my Daddy about 4 years ago.  We dated and had a regular relationship for a time and then a long distance relationship for a time.  I broke up with him for a time but then after learning about the M/s lifestyle we decided to give it a try and I moved to another state to be near him about 9 mo ago and was collared about 4 mo ago.  I lived with a roommate who was familiar with the lifestyle so it wasn't a problem.  However I ended up having to move and and now live with other roommates.  My Daddy has another vanilla relationship so he does not live with me.

Ok here is my problem.  Having just moved to a new city and have new roommates.  I get a lot of judgment and questions about being 30 and not married.  They ask how long I have known my boyfriend, are we going to get married, why don't I live with him, etc.

How do I answer these questions without divulging my lifestyle or getting criticism.  Some people think they need to warn me.  They think he is married and using me, etc.  I live in a fairly conservative town and am constantly judged for not being married or having kids by my age.  I love my relationship with my Daddy and understand his need for more than one relationship.  Part of the problem is I do love him so much that I can't help but talk about him which perhaps leaves me open to questions."


Answer
Hi Kristina:

Without having to lie or make up stories or excuses, you should refrain from giving answers. Roomates as they can be, you have a right to your privacy and it is nobody's business what do you do sexually, emotionally, romantically or otherwise. If you get questions is normal and you can side step them and and ask for privacy, since you are exploring and you prefer to be discreet (you can say that). But getting judgment is something you should not live with. That implies busybodies or meddlers, who have no other business to deal with. If they want answers and you gotta live with them,  be vague then. They do not need specifics.

If you get criticism, it is perhaps time to get new roommates or better ones. Other than that keep your emotional life discreet (after all he IS married and/or has another relationship) as you should, them perhaps you should not speak freely of him and enjoy your relation with him, but without anyone else's judgment or input, since you did not ask for any. Did you?

Other than that, if the relationship is chaffing you or making you feel  bad/guilty or is too cumbersome or carries too much drama, perhaps it needs to be reevaluated or adjusted.

I hope this helps. Be well and be safe.
Oscar G.