Expert: Oscar G. - 7/8/2009

Question
Hi,
First a little bit about us….into what some would call soft bdsm, fun mainly reserved for the bedroom, enjoy vanilla sex as much as the bdsm. Enjoy mild punishment, paddle, light flogging but especially orgasm control.  Been playing on and off for a couple of years, but would describe ourselves as inexperienced.
Our question is that during recent play I completely off the top of my head said to my wife that it was safe and completely ok for her to cry if she needed to. (We have our safe words in place). Much too both our surprise she burst into tears during a flogging session.
I think we handled it very well, holding her until she composed herself and then we continued to play. I have no idea why I said she could cry and she has no idea why she did.
Is this something that subs experience? It almost feels like we have found a new level, but are not sure where this could lead.
Any advice or incite into the crying episode would be great.


Answer
Hi Dave:

I think the question should be aimed at her. To find out if there is any kind of past abuse or situation of  punishment or humiliation in her life. If there isn't any, occasionally it is a form of catharsis, or coping with the situation. Usually you hear more about happy crying  during or after. The fact you have privacy and intimacy is good to explore that area of emotional expression. However you situation is not very common, but not unheard of.
After all, has it happened again? Occasionally there are scenes that get to be  intense  or emotional to the extreme where crying is shown, yet others, laugh or joy are elicited. I guess it varies on mood, chemistry, mental makeup, and intensity. Some day you feel in different moods. While others quite different. Same with play.

I hope it helps. Be well, be safe and have fun.
Oscar G.