Expert: awhitecloud - 7/9/2009

Question
I have been married for 14 years and I have always been the one in control of my marriage, kids, and bills. My husband and I have been studying BDSM, and I want to give my husband full control over myself and our house hold, but I don’t know were to start. I find myself pushing him, and even testing him to see if he can even take on the roll of being my master. He wants to be the Dom in the relationship and I want to be the sub, but after years of being in control how do I allow him to take full control. I want this badly and I truly want to please him, I just don’t know how to let go.

Answer
The testing is normal and something that needs to happen, the more he sets limits and holds you to them the faster you will be able to move more into the sub role.  

You can still be a sub and have the bills in your field as that is a help to him and your home.  HE can still have total control and you be responsible for things in the running of the home.  You need to sit down and look at what you want him to be in control of and then work on setting rules so that you have to be accountable to him for what your doing.  This also allows him to see what areas need more work and attention then others.  

Now to be honest with you, you will fight back to keep the control at times, and you will both be in some hard times in the changes, but it was worth it for me.  The Dom most be like a father to you and not take the excesses you will come up with and you will for not doing things.  They most not matter at all you did or did not do it by the rules or the way you where told, black and white.  

You will resist and fight back until that part of you inside just gives up and says yes I need to stop fighting and just have this in my life.  It will be a hard time for you both, trying for the Dom and many give up for it is just to much.  But for my life I found it was well worth it all in the end, I hated it and I did fight back and I was told that I was not a sub even, but we kept on and well now I have the bliss and the happiness of the other side.  Most of all you will learn more about each other and where you want to be in the end.

I hope this has helped some even a little feel free to write back and I will do what I can to help.

awhitecloud