Expert: ziggy ziegler - 8/7/2009

Question
I am a twenty year old girl going through a very exciting and enlightening period of my life. I have always known myself to be a submissive person and a few months ago an online relationship began with a potential real time Dom. During this period of getting to know each other I realised a lot about myself, amongst other things that what I actually need and crave is less Dom/sub and more Master/slave. I also realised (mid discussions of [safely] meeting) that I am not completely ready for the intensity involved in that sort of relationship right now. Having had issues with self-esteem in the past I feel I need to prove to myself that I am able to complete something by myself (he was willing to completely own and take care of me) and I am sorting myself a place at a university for this September. I feel that when I do enter this lifestyle completely in the way I want to having had this experience of starting and completing something by myself (I’ve never really had to do a great deal for myself before…I am capable but there are too many people about who can sort it all out for me when it goes wrong) I will be a far better slave because the choice to completely submit myself will be more of an actual choice –and therefore much more enjoyable and rewarding- because I will know I could get by myself (unfulfilled perhaps, but nonetheless capable of doing so). We discussed this and he agreed and we parted ways and I feel so happy that this first experience (despite being only online) was such a pleasant one. He was everything I could have hoped for at the time and it was lovely and dare I say perfect for what I needed even though I wasn’t aware of it myself. So I am giving myself a good while to get through this phase of me finding myself before looking into an actual real time relationship but I also don’t want to just leave all this on a shelf somewhere for however long. I feel it an integral part of myself and am seeking a mentor. Basically, I am just after some advice as to the best ways to go about this. At the moment I just feel I want to learn as much as possible from someone who knows what they are talking about.
A million thankyous for any advice you give,
Emilia.x  

Answer
Dear Emilia

Thank you for the question. First, i applaud you for seeing the need to find yourself before acting on the level of submission you are considering. I find that people who learn themselves first have a good chance of meeting someone who also knows themselves and is compatible.

As for how you might progress. Here in the states we have TNG groups that are 18-30 year olds. These can be great for peer support and they are usually hosted by people who have had a good deal of experience in the scene.. none the less you might do a google search for 'BDSM Groups and then the area you are currently living in) this should pull up what ever groups are in your area but know most of them require participants to be 21 or older..

In the mean time there are books written by other slaves/submissives Ie Slave Craft, The complete slave, Becoming a slave, just to name a few....

There is also more oneline resources i like such as FETLIFE.come and triskallion society.com.. currently i feel these sites are good in that they offer a wide variety of writings by master slaves and those who have other fetishes. Its a good place to learn but it doesnt have a chat feature.

My preference for learning is face to face and who better to  help you learn than other slaves. A lot of times Master types will say yah i will mentor you and train you.. i find that wonderful if you are going to be in a relationship with them but who better to teach you about being a slave or submissive than another slave or submissive. I do want to say that if you should find a slave friend to help guide you, please pick wisely or at least i should say choose someone who is compatible with you and who is knowledgeable and most of all trustworthy.

I hope my answer is helpful if you have specific questions or have a follow up question, please feel free to contact me.

Best wishes
slave ziggy