Expert: Mistress Violette - 8/23/2009

Question
I have some conflicting issues on this and in need of advice..I had read somewhere but I don't remember where that when a Slave is released that it it still the former master duties to make sure that his former slave is still taken care of in some degree and wonder if that is true another Master says that that is not true once she is released that is it she is done.......Can some one shed some light on this for me please.

Answer
Hello, Dawn,

I wanted to answer your question because I think this is an important point that sometimes gets overlooked. The internet has made BDSM much more accessible than it used to be. It's also allowed people to skip over some of the learning process. Things can get lost in translation.

The person with whom you spoke may be thinking of the power exchange part of the relationship. In that area, I agree. When the relationship is over, so is the control. It can be different for other aspects of the relationship, though. For some people, a BDSM relationship creates a great degree of dependence on the dom. This happens in vanilla relationships as well, but there are usually resources available to help a vanilla person. That's not always true for BDSM people. A submissive can be left feeling adrift and powerless and have no one who understands or to help her regain the sense of independence she needs to heal and move on.

That's why a dominant may have some responsibility after the relationship ends. He was instrumental in taking the control and independence and he can be helpful if the sub has trouble getting those back. He can offer assurances, support and encouragement. Like any relationship, BDSM ones sometimes don't work out. If the dominant caused changes in the sub's emotional competence, it's good for him to remain accessible after the relationship ends. It may be a case of helping prevent damage, so it's a safety issue as well as a human one.

Mistress Violette