About Master Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, in a poly relationship, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
Question Me and my boyfriend are both interested about BDSM but are also very very new to it. I am sure that I am submissive but he does not know what he is. He definitely wants to make sure I am happy, and safe, and I know he enjoys being dominant. A lot of people I know think that he is under my thumb. Also, the more submissive I am the less dominant he seems. Putting all of this together leaves me very confused about whether he is submissive or dominant or what. Please help.
Answer I would say it's time for some exploration of each other for a while. Try both ways, with you as Top, say, for a month, then try it the other way around. Explore! This is part of what BD/SM is about. Find what works for you. There's more to it than one person telling another what to do.
It's also a lot more than "Tie me down and f*ck me" as well, thanks to certain Male oriented publications that shall remain nameless. There's a whole world of different things available.
So far, from what you've told me, it would seem to be more of a D/s relationship, although, being new, this would be the normal place to start. Find out where each of you feels best. It may be that both of you are either submissive, or even slave at heart. This is not as big a problem as you might think, should it come to pass. It could also be that one or both of you could be switches, able to be either. If this is the case, you you both care enough for each other, then you will both have to switch roles from time to time, adjusted to suit the both of you as best as possible. Remember, though, that if this is the case, compromise is the main thing to remember.
A switch relationship requires compromise to work, and any bdsm relationship requires complete honesty, in all things. Remember, this is a relationship between two consenting adults, and both sides should act ass such, and not be ashamed, or embarrassed by their kinks, no matter what they are. Things can either be worked through, or changed as needed. Remember, also to keep communications as clear as possible. If you're mad at him, or vise verse, then explain it, the same with him, and work through it, rather than argue. In most cases, it's either a miscommunication, or the other person was never told in the first place. To be mad, and not talk about it will lead to resentments, and petty arguments about unimportant things, and accomplish nothing.
