Expert: Lady Aryana - 9/15/2009

Question
Hi, my wife and i have a fantastic sexual relationship. we both love to try and like lots and have. but, i think we both may have(her more) sub desires.  I'm not sure how to talk to her about my sub desires.  we've used her double dildo together. she knows i love it. in sex talking five told her i want her to use me, anyhow, anyway...control me, make me...you know.  but she also has a sub side and really wants me to have another woman and she wants to watch then be allowed to participate.  ok, im rambling.  How can i be more clear about my desire to be a sub and dominated?

Answer
Mike,

Switching is hard, esp when you first enter into this kind of relationship. Most times there needs to be boundaries set. What sounds like is happening is that these have not happen yet. I would suggest that you both sit down and work out a plan.

First you need to understand just what you are getting into and this can needs to be done by reading and learning. Attending munches or groups in your area if there are any.

Let me suggest

Different Loving

Screw the roses, send me the thorns

S&M 101

The Loving Dominate

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle  by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

Now a few books for your wife

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women

I would suggest you both find a mentor for each other, someone who you can talk to, someone who has had alot of experience in not just BDSM but poly relationships as well. With your wife wanting you to bring in another female this may end up causing issues, and you need to make sure you are both prepared for that before anything happens.

Another thing, find story's which shouldn't be a problem on the web, that fit the role you wish to present to your wife.. This will give her a better understanding to what it is your want, and as for her, I would suggest she do the same thing. Role playing to start out with is a good way to open the lines of what each other want.. And though stories are a good way, please remember that the stories you read may only tap into a little of what you want. Disregard what you do not want, and keep the rest.

Good luck.

Lady Aryana