AboutCougarDomme Expertise I can answer any question about BDSM in practice, theory or relationships
Experience I have been in the BDSM scene for 25 years. I am a prodomme with a specialty of medical play. I give demonstrations on safe, sane and consensual play in the area of play: sounds, needle play, medical,saline infusions,sterile procedure,fisting,fire,knife and RACK edge play.
Organizations FLOG (St.Louis) Leather and Lace (St. Louis) Amatorius (Virginia) Black Rose (DC)Wicked (Raleigh NC)
Education/Credentials I have a Master's degree in Nursing
Question My husband/sub and I have been in a wonderful relationship for about ten years now. We live a female-led relationship and are very passionate in our beliefs. Not only is my husband my servant, he is also a wonderful and caring father. We have two daughters and our youngest is a boy.
We practice most all the varied tpyes of female supremacy. I give corporal punishment when it is necassary, we also practice cuckholding and orgasm denial. Though of course we never expose our children to the more adult specifics of our lifestyle, it is very clear to them that mommmy is in charge and that their father is subserviant to me. It has been very easy to instill in my girls all the important values of female supremacy, or as I call it for them 'female pride'. And they are very independent, strong-willed assertive little girls. But I have always been a little uncertain about how I should approach this with my son. My husband and I are committed to raising all of our chidlren equally and our female supremacist values are very important to us. I honestly believe that being a submissive and obedient male to his future partner will make him a happier and more fullfilled person. Its easy with my girls because everything that needs to be said is positive. Yet how do I tell my son I really do believe males are an inferior creature, including him. Of course I love him no less than my girls, but I refuse to be a hypocrite.
I know my husband sets an excellent example for him on how to treat women and defer to them etc...yet I know it is also my duty to set an example.
lastly, as he is three right now, he frequently gets erections and for some reason I am disgusted almost to the point of anger. I guess maybe it is because I feel that males shouldn't be allowed erections without their females permission, yet he is only a child so i am aware of his innocence and I ignore it or pretend not to see it. Where do you think this anger and disgust might come from? I find myself wishing and hoping that he will find his gf/wife/domme early in life and she practices some brutal orgasm denial on him so that his stiff little penis will never get a chance to be used even once. Sometimes I almost wish that he might just be castrated by his future partner (crazy I know! And very illegal too I'm sure) I know its very weird to think things like that so you can understand why I am asking an expert like yourself. i know this anger and disgust are harmless as he is my littleboy and I want no harm to come to him or his privates, yet I would still like to understand better why I feel this way
Answer First, you need to realize that he may NOT be submissive by nature and the things that your husband enjoys may not be the same. You need to raise him exactly like you raise your daughters and let him grow into the person he is meant to be. Your relationship with your husband in a unique and one-to-one thing and little boys learn how to treat little girls by watching how daddy treats mommy. However, if he should happen to have a dominant mindset, your determination to make him submissive is going to lead to misery for both of you. Remember, your husband CHOOSES to submit and your son should not be raised to teach him to submit to ANYONE, male or female and to try to choose his future lifestyle based on your lifestyle is very, very close to mental abuse--which is not yours to dish out because he has not made the CHOICE to accept it and may turn out to be vanilla. I also disagree with your raising your daughters to be dominant to men because it's going to make it very difficult for them to have a vanilla relationship, should they be vanilla. I've always believed that BDSM people are hardwired--born that way--it's like having blue eyes. Raise your children to be responsible adults with strong values and morals and give them a good education but their sexuality is not for you to choose and it's frightening that you think you can do this--children can be taught and directed but they must have freedom of choice. It's not like raising children to be Catholic or Jewish. BDSM is something they can figure out for themselves down the road and just because YOU and your husband embrace the lifestyle does NOT mean that you can or should compel your children to embrace the lifestyle. They will choose the relationship dynamic that works for them somewhere down the road--it's not your choice to make for them no matter how strongly you want it to be. Please take this in the spirit in which it is intended because I believe that what you are doing is wrong both as a parent and a domme. Children are temporary--they do grow up and go off to have their own lives and your relationship and sexual dynamics with your husband are not part of what they should learn from you other than basic good manners and respect for themselves and for other people. As a lifetime BDSM practitioner and retired psych nurse I URGE you to stand back and let THEM decide their own sexuality and relationship dynamics. You cannot choose this for them. As a parent, we always want what WE think is best for our children and watching them make a preventable mistake is the hardest part of being a parent--BUT THEY MUST LEARN FOR THEMSELVES!! This is something that is not your call--and that's going to be hard for you, but to do it any other way is wrong, a disservice to them and a very poor parenting choice for you. I've got vanilla kids in their 20s and I accept that because what Daddy and I do is NONE of their business--and certainly not something I would share with them unless they ASKED ME directly after they turn 21. I strongly recommend you follow the same path for the sake of your children's future mental health. Trust me on this--I am old and wise.
