Expert: ziggy ziegler - 9/1/2009

Question
Well just recently met a guy and we hit it off. Now out of the blue, because prior to going out with him this wasn't mentioned, he tells me he is looking for a 24/7 Slave. After only one date. This took me completely by surprise. I am not sure if this is something he has done before and believe me will be addressed before I would even consider this. However, in talking with him about it he is under the impression that slaves don't or can't hold a job or have a career that they are to be completely dependent on the Master for everything. Now I do have quite a few friends in this particular lifestyle and some of them do work and have careers. I know that the boundaries would have to be discussed in detail but since I am totally new to this I wouldn't know where to begin or even referrances to provide to him. My concern is I own my own business and to think that someone would ask me to walk away from something I worked so hard to build to me borders on disrespect and asking me to cut a piece of me away. On top of that I am being asked to walk away from something I built with absolutely no guarantee of security. I know that in this arrangement there is a great deal of trust involved but even marriages end in divorce and thats a legal and binding contract that requires judges and lawyers to end. This would not be the case in this relationship and I wouldn't want to put myself in a position to where if either party wanted to end things, I am left with nothing because I walked away from everything. Is it unheard of in a 24/7 reltationship for the slave to have input and make decisions. I still have a mind of my own and I am a person, I don't think I could become a stepford wife with no mind of her own at all for anyone and don't think it is unreasonable to ask not to be treated that way. Help, I need some advice.

Answer
Dear Ann

Thank you for your questions. Believe it or not, this is a common question.

To be honest i am not a fan of "the hurry up" approach to M/s under any circumstances. As you probably know from your friends in the lifestyle being someone's slave is not something you want to take lightly. ( i can tell from your note you have similar feelings)

My definition of slave is slightly different than most; i believe the slave submits to the conditions of a suitable master. What this means is that if the master and slave come together they come together based on their compatibility. These conditions are not the same for everyone. Some slaves do own their own business but the master does require them to contribute a good portion of their income to the household. The master may have control over the slave's money so that he or she can manage it. A portion given to the household, some put in an interest bearing account,( which would be returned to the slave should the relationship dissolve.) Although the slave retains control of their business and job/profession the master is allowed to control what happens to the funds.

I don't know many masters who can or will require the slave to give up their profession/ job or business as a condition of them entering into the relationship. If this is a test of whether you are a slave..... thank him for his time and move on. In my experience, mastery of a slave comes in all forms, but one thing is for sure his conditions must be realistic and need to match what is possible for you; either physically or emotionally. From your note, it appears that what you can do and what he wants from you are in conflict.

Definetly, i think its important for both master and slave to come together and discuss the nature of M/s and what conditions mean to the master. Because you have limitations to what you can do doesn't preclude you from being slave it just means you need a master who's conditions match your abilities. Master learns this by getting to know you. If he needs the TYPE of 24/7 slave that does not work and is completely dependant on him, perhaps those conditions are not possible for you.

Again thank you for your question, please feel free to ask follow up questions if need be

warmest regards
slave ziggy