Expert: ziggy ziegler - 9/1/2009

Question
QUESTION: I met a man who claims to be a Dom/Master. After entrusting myself to Him and agreeing to let Him "mentor me/ (per His request) We went to my FIRST PUBLIC play date at a club. We were "magic together" to the point where others called us "lovebirds" He is VERY respected and KNOWN in the community so His credentials checked out perfectly. He also suggested a need for me to engage in a Daddy/Dom relationship with Him as He sees it is something I am lacking in. ( I am in TOTAL agreement here as well) What is the problem then when all sounds so absoutely PERFECT? Well we have been on ONE meet date, second date was the public play date, we have communicated extensively, but He just asked me to become His slave and He be my Master today. Is this a HUGE warning sign? He IS a more than WORTHY Dominant and Master but what is the rush and WHY the need to possess me so quickly? Is this a normal thing that occurs? Is there not proper protocol to asking for a submissives slavery? Shouldnt she be collared first? Im fairly new (two yrs exp with ONE LT live in relationship only) I am at a LOSS and a bit more than shocked at this abrubt NEED for Him to possess me so quickly..... ANY input would help me. There IS an issue of his health too, as he is going through prostate cancer and looking at surgery on the 17th of Sept so sex is NOT his interest here AT ALL.

ANSWER: Dear Jeannine

Thank you for your question:

It has been my experience that our inner gut feelings are never wrong. Your reservations should be listened to. I have never heard of any set time for becoming one's slave but i can share with you what i have experienced and seen as a slave.

I do recommend a time to get to know one another. The role of slave is to submit to the conditions of the master. If you have not had a lot of experiences in this area and have not spent much time with him how do you know you will be able to submit to his conditions with a full and willing heart. i take it that if you accept his collar you will want things to last and be successful long term; i find that the key to that success is  how well your values and life priorities are aligned; Not just in what you say to each other but how they carny out those values.  Other areas of concerns with such a short courtship is are you comparable sexually, it may not be in the for front of  your brain now, but 6 months from now it will be, this is also true for play. As we all know there are only so many hours in the day you are able to have sex and play. The rest of the time is spent together...

My experience ( this is not everyone's# is that after some time spent together, # play sex, service, submissive time# and if there is a mutual interest. i petitioned the master. this petition allows both the master and the slave to in a more structured way explore the conditions #expectations) of the master should the slave be collared / owned... When the master is satisfied he or she is ready to accept the petition of the slave. The master may require a contract or not. A contract allows the slave to have a clear understanding of what is expected. i personally believe that if you take your time and accept the conditions of the master a contract is not necessary. know that once you become his slave he will have expectations of you,

i think its also important to understand the extent of your submission would be with him and test if you would be able to submit at that level to him. Understanding what it means to be slave is very important to your happiness as his property. None of us want to fail.

The bottom line is listen to your concerns and follow that. Better to enter into the relationship informed and confident than to enter to quickly and fail. Master and slave is definitely a journey best traveled together and a pace that feels right for both. Take your time and let it go where it will.

The very best to both of you
warm regards
slave ziggy

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: More of a comment than a question. I spoke with Him last night AND wrote to Him all of my concerns. He simply asked me, "Why do you do things to want to please me?" I said because I WANT TO, I WANT to submit to you, and do things that make you happy because of WHO you are inside and how wonderful you make me feel.: He then said to me, then am I not your Master? He is being "protective" of me, and ONLY wants me to feel a sense of being cared for, and watched over. He is claiming me as a "Daddy/Dom" and in His experience and KNOWING ME, He feels this is the BEST approach and He is CORRECT. He is NOT going by protocol right now. He HAS however told me HIS INTENTION IS for the future to be my TRUE MASTER. I gladly await that day. Thank you so much for your assistance. In times we cannot see clearly or understand (which I SHOULD HAVE waited to speak with Him FIRST before inquiring) but it is WONDERFUL to know there are those in this lifestyle who WANT and are more than WILLING to offer a hand in help. I have such a deep LOVE and RESPECT for this lifestyle already and I still consider myself VERY new. (you see I have alot to learn yet.:)...) But I know that I have found a place finally where I BELONG and will be accepted with open arms. Feels like "home"...... All my best to you and thank you again......   Jeannine

Answer
hello jeannine

It is a wonderful thing that you have found someone for which you love and respect.. That i huge no matter where you are at. I wish you both the very best.. just take it slow and enjoy every moment regardless of how things turn out.. The lifestyle is also very dear to my heart but its also a matter of sharing experiences so that those who come after me dont make the same mistakes...However, when relationships click it is a beautiful thing..

again best to you both
warmest regards
slave ziggy