Expert: Lady Aryana - 9/19/2009

Question
Ok so I am a lesbian currently engaged to a girl. She says she understands bdsm but won't explain it to me. I been trying to look for information about it and doing research and not getting very far. I see things like its based on bondage and stuff like that like are you bdsm if your into like being tied up and being controlled by someone or what and also what is bdsm about? like what do you do? how do you know you are bdsm? etc? i am really confused and was asked if i am bdsm and i really have no idea???? can you please help me???

Answer
Brandy,

BDSM varys from relationship to relationship.. What one person see it another might night.. The term has a huge meaning,,

BDSM is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).

BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practices fall outside of conventional sexual activities and human relationships.

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active — applying the activity or exercising control over others — are known as tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship—are known as switches.

For more information you can visit here.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM


Remember that what your girlfriend might consider *BDSM* might not be what someone else might consider it.. For some relationships there is no sexual relationship involved, it's completely service submission.. I would suggest you read the following books..

To Love, To Serve, To Serve, To Obey,

Different Loving

Screw the roses, send me the throns

S&M 101

The Loving Dominate

Granted most of these are not gay related books they will give you a better idea to what you can expect in regards to what BDSM can and can not mean..

Good Luck

Lady Aryana