Expert: Oscar G. - 9/5/2009

Question
I'm a young woman, and very new to the lifestyle My master, who is 15 years my senior, has been training me online. We have no problem in communication and he is a very good master. The only issue that I have is that he is not against polyamory or a poly-sub lifestyle. I'm meeting him soon, and I know that I want this, but I want it to be monogamous. I don't want to change who he is, or compromise his wishes, but I really want him to be mine. I know he's with other women right now, but, at the same time, we haven't been able to physically be together. Also, he's sadistic. I do tasks for him and experience the sadism, and while I doesn't do much for me standing by itseld, I get turned on thinking I'm doing this for him. Perhaps naively, I've already committed myself to him...or, at the very least, I haven't been looking elsewhere. Any advice?

Answer
Dear Caylee:

You painted yourself in a corner, so to speak. And then you realized this is not the color you really wanted or need for this  room. But if you enjoy what you are going through, juts be aware you have a way  out always. Better make sure you have a way out of a situation you do not feel 100% comfortable or ideal. If monogamy is something you MUST have it will never  work. Unless he changes his views, which is not likely and you mentioned you do not want to change him, but you want to have him for yourself and not others... See the contradiction? If you hope to change him by expressing yourself and just hanging with him, with the hopes he will eventually change  under your influence, there is a  very slim chance to possibility it will  happen.
He has no incentive to change, and you have only met him online. Maybe chemistry will work between you both or turn the whole deal off.

But my bottom line is see, what he offers in person, tell him you enjoy his style and mode, but you want to be monogamous.  IF he laughs and goes away, at least you know he was not the type you need. otherwise you can reach a compromise, and if he breaks that, you know it is also not what you need and gave you the reason you needed. IF it works, you would be lucky and fortunate.
Otherwise, seek elsewhere. Women are always sough more than men, and you should not  have a problem to find what you need as long as you define  well what you need. And i know all offers will not be as good as your ideal needs. But everything is better than ending up with a bad person or partner no in line with your desires.

Best wishes. Be well and be safe.
Oscar G.