Expert: Mistress Violette - 9/19/2009

Question
At some point in the past two weeks, my slave/husband's daughter found my blog page, which I had always kept private from her for good reasons, as my blog is dedicated specifically to me and my husbands D/s relationship dynamics. I write my blog for my other friends in the bdsm scene and definitely not for my stepdaughter lol.
So long story short, she found the url, shes 21 by the way,I don't know how she found it, and she must have read most of it, because she confronted me in a rather heated fashion. I have been her stepmom since she was 12 and we have always got along great. Much better than stepmoms and stepdaughters usually seem to get along. Even during her teenage years there were never any big blowups. But that has all changed in the last week. She is still furious with me and is barely talking to me at all. When she initially confronted me, she was mainly angry about certain things she had read, not so much that we have a D/s relationship. Basically this was that I frequently cuckhold her dad, that we do orgasm denial (on him of course, not me) and that occasionally we do 'forced bisexuality' which is that I make him do things with other male subs, when the mood strikes me.
Here's what I don't understand. Most kids, when realizinng that they are reading their parents sex-diary, would run from the computer screaming, but she took the time to read the whole thing. Isn't that weird? And why is she upset about me denying her father orgasms? She told me it was abusive and unfair (she of course said the cuckholding was unfair too) and that he deserves to expreince pleasure just like everybody else. Naturally I just replied that we me and her father do is none of her business, but she isn't droppingit. its been over a week and she is still just as furious as she was the day after she read it. About the cuckholding, she is angry that I apparently think her daddy isn't good enough to satisfy me on his own. Again, weird right? The forced bisexuality upset her because she saw it as the ultimate kind of humiliation or something along those lines, and that I it was practically 'rape'. her word, not mine.
I know I could just ignore this. Afterall, its me and my slaves business, not hers, and she can just get over it, but I don't want to do it that way. She's important to me, I want things to be as good as they have always been. So I guess I'm just trying to get a peek inside her head. Why would these specific issues be so upsetting to her? Why does she even care at all? She is otherwise a very well adjusted, well liked, attractive girl who has lots of friends and good social life, she's not some headcase or misfit or anything.I know once I understand these things I will be better able to go about mending this issue.

Answer
Hi, Brianna,

This is an interesting question. I'm sure you understand that all I'm able to do is speculate about your stepdaughter's state of mind. Maybe I can give you some ideas that will help you go in the right direction, though.

I do think most adult children wouldn't want to know what was going on in their parents' sex lives. On the other hand, I know of people who are comfortable with at least the idea of their parents as sexual beings. But in your stepdaughter's case, it's not like she happened on a blog about her parents romping naked in the bedroom. She found a blog about something she knows little about, doesn't understand and thinks is humiliating and unfair to someone she loves. It could have been one of those situations where she didn't want to keep reading but felt like she had to.

She confronted you because she's defending someone important to her, without understanding he doesn't need defending. She thinks what you're doing to her father is abusive, unfair, humiliating and almost rape. In trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense to her, she's placing the blame on you and thinking of her father as the innocent victim. She's standing up for him. It's not that much different than if she'd found out you were taking advantage of him financially. Since she doesn't know how the BDSM dynamic works, she thinks you're exploiting him.

She also may be disappointed in you. Now that she's "discovered" this previously unknown side of you, she may be feeling a little betrayed to find out you weren't the person she thought you were. And there could even be a little anger at herself for believing in you thrown into the mix. Even though her conclusions are wrong, the feelings she has are valid. I'm not saying she's correct in her perceptions, of course, just that her feelings are genuine even though they're based on wrong perceptions.

I think the key to understanding your stepdaughter's actions and reactions is to remember that  probably all she knows about BDSM is biased toward it as being evil or laughable. She's seen evil BDSM people on Law and Order, she's seen funny BDSM people on sitcoms and in movies. What she hasn't seen is a negotiated, loving BDSM relationship. I think you're correct about your sex life being none of her business and I also understand your desire to get the relationship back on a good footing. Maybe you could combine both, by framing the problem for her as being rooted in her lack of knowledge about BDSM rather than that there are unhealthy tendencies in your sex life. After all, you know that, but she doesn't and my sense is her hostility is coming from there.

Mistress Violette