Expert: Oscar G. - 9/25/2009

Question
I would consider myself a Dom, and have been enjoying this role across my last few relationships. I've always kind of known where I stood sexually, but its only been in the last 4 or 5 years I've been able to express this within a relationship(s). I've learnt a lot about myself and become far more confident in the games that we play.

The problem is that I have been lucky. The last three subs I've had have fallen into my lap, so to speak. They have either been friends or friends of friends or just random lucky finds. I've not actively had to go out and look for someone who would fulfil this function.

I've learnt a lot about my own likes and dislikes through all of this. I guess the best way I can describe it is I'm much more of a psychological dom (not sure about the phrasing here but its the best I've got). I've always enjoyed the head games, the begging, the ignoring, and that side of things and been lucky enough to find people who are willing to play. Of course there are always ropes and candle wax for fun and spankings for when my sub has failed in there allotted task. But I guess what I'm trying to say is I've never been big on the whips etc side of things.

As of where my life stands now I'm unattached and thinking that it would be a good time to get into the scene. There is a local munch, and another meet is coming up at the beginning of October. What I really want to know is there a space for me in it?. Are there dom's out their who focus more on the head than the body? and would I be able to fit into this little group?

Answer
Hi Nathan:

What you call as 'psychological Dom' is the purely mental aspects of Dominance and Discipline. Here in the states they call it being able to  create a good "Mind Fuck", yet that term i find is a bit coarse and too broad for the finesse that it often used.

Not surprisingly the good experienced doms are well versed in all those metal tricks to play mental games and format a good level of discipline and expectation. I really think you would/could fit in. Just don't expect everyone to have your same skills and tastes. Meeting other kinksters will probably increase you repertory of tricks  by exchanging ideas and experiences. And yes there are some Doms that are more about the mind (or the mind first and foremost) before delving into anyone's body. Usually those are the acquaintances I gravitate toward, because of my style, even if my specialty is still very sensual and physical.

Best of luck there and Godspeed.

Oscar G.