Expert: awhitecloud - 1/11/2010

Question
I have been married for almost 18 years.  We have recently entered into a D/s relationship with each other (I am the sub).  

It turns out that my husband has had an online relationship with another woman and we actually have the same collar.

I understand that he has learned from this relationship with her, however, he was not totally honest with me regarding it. He told me it was just role playing - totally platonic.  Along with the collar, he has sent her some sex toys.

Are presents normal for role playing in BDSM?  I felt that it put that over the line too close to reality for me. I had an extra  sterling silver padlock bracelet that I got from one of our wholesalers.  He asked me if I wanted it and he appeared to want it for himself so I gave it to him. It turns out that he sent it to her.

We are not 24/7 - although I have wanted to until now.  My feeling are really hurt from his dishonesty and I am just wondering how narrow minded I am being?  

Thank you,  Claudia

Answer
Claudia,

I would be more then upset I would be PISSED!  That is not okay in any since of any relationship ever.  That is not open and honest communication.  I am sorry I feel your pain, but he has crossed so many lines it is not even funny. On line is just that, when it goes to sending things and all it is moved into a different realm completely.  

Many get into that, but he now also holds strong commitment to her as well you.  A collar is the same as a wedding ring no two ways about that. He needs to end one of them or work something out with you, to include her in your lives if it is going to keep on going.

I am sorry in my book that is so wrong and I think you need to tell him how you feel and there needs to be some very deep communication as well guild lines drawn up for your relationships be them on line or not.

Thank you

awhitecloud