Expert: Robert Rubel - 1/1/2010

Question

hi every one..i get to ur sit by lucky but im happy to discave that...
im in the midel of something and im really really some one to expiln and help me to discaver my slef and what i have now..
frist im sorry for my engilsh its not really good but i hope to do my best,,
im 34 years old i discave im gay since 14 and i had some and i was happy with it..i was horny most of the time and so brive to do sex even in my cuntry to alow to have sex freedom  i find my slef top at sex and this give me free and power at sex and im happy with that i had short time to be botom when i was 17 but i dont like it and also i felt power less so i diseed it to stop that and get as i can to be top..
i met alot of guys around and alot wants to have me..im good looking and good mind so i know alot of pepol want atract to me..
my point
since 5 years i met a man at locel Hamam witch plave u can meet for sex and he was older than me 28years i liked him and i shir him with all the guys at hamam was fun and also strang for me but i like it we met agine  and we discide to be togther from the frist time its clear he likes power over him and like sex by sluty bitcy way and this was ok for me but after i get so close to him and i feelt its the time to just stope have sex with ather but he was doing all the time..let me put some point to clear my thouts,,
 he feels he want men all the time and he want get powerd by man and do any things to make then happy
 he wants all the time  sex its in he is mind and his net ant his bag every things at his mind its sex and get fucked by every one
 all the time when i get a way or traveling i find hin invole with ather guys for sex or love even he get some guys was in love with them and whem iasked him he told me he just looking for fun or sex
he get useed by every one and any one even his friends
.....i thout be cuse im his boy friend so i have to prpotct him and make him feel good about him slef and suport him but i discave he just sluting all the time around and nono stop..and for me i start feel
im not eungh for him
i dont want used him but every one around used him for any things
i start to get less about thinking of sex
i get atract to him at sex cuse he is slutt and powerless
i get counfuse the way i have to deal with him to be strong user or to be nice and suport
he side he loves me and want me but just go any place i find him conct with ather guys and looking for sex and used
i start feel so bad about my slef cuse i cant help him or my slef
when i show my anger and be strong he becom good and flow me
at sex he want do every things i want from tied him or pissing on him and whatver,,i like that but sometimes i ask my slef this not the way i have to deal with my boy freind
now i get reall lost and i want u help me to clear some stuff
1 he is slave or not?
2 do u think he atrcat to me after the 5 years?
3 if he is slave so what the way i have to deal with him(i have strong feeling for mastring him but i hide cuse i dont want lose hime)?
4 what the role we have to do it togther
5 and what ur owen advice for me?
.....its really very importent to me to know ur openion
i feel my life its stop and feeling not good about my slef
my mind wants controling him and power him  andmy heart want suport him and help him to be a good person
he suport me and i hate to use him but i start to ask him to buy stuff for me and he is happy with this..
he like too be used with me aat sex
he like to be in grup get used and fucked
im 34 and him 62
i do love him but i start feel not good with my slef
i can be stronger and usde and powerd but he will acsspet that
he will looking for ather
i dont know plaes help me i will stop all my life till u conct me soon
thank u alot for ur help
M


Answer
Mohamed,

He is not your slave unless he is obeying you.  

If he is not obeying you, you need to develop some consequences.

Because you love him (or are emotionally involved with him) you keep excusing him for having sex with other men.

The more you love or are involved emotionally with your slave, the harder it will be to control him because rather than correcting bad behavior, you allow the bad behavior out of fear of hurting his feelings.

I'm the author of the book: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (Robert Rubel).  You can get it on Amazon.com -- it may help you understand your role as Master and his as slave.

There is something called a "slave-heart."  It is the degree that the slave wishes to honor and to serve you a the slave's Master.  Does your slave seek only to serve you or only to serve you some of the time and play with others when not serving you?  

Important question:  is it more important to be friends and lovers with your submissive/slave, or do you need the full structured Master/slave relationship.  That is, could you change (soften ) the way you think about your relationship with your submissive in order to be friends/lovers?  

What does your slave say about all this?  Have you explained to him how you are made sad because he plays with other men and you do not?  What is he looking for in life that is different from what you are looking for?

If I have not quite answered your question, please write back.

In Leather Heart and Spirit,

Bob