Expert: ziggy ziegler - 1/17/2010

Question
I am a 19 year old female submissive new to the lifestyle, but have been actively practicing for about six months with an experienced partner. My Master has been amazing with me, and I simply cannot get enough. I am a true submissive at heart; I live to please Him in every way and His pleasure brings me the greatest joy. I am also into humiliation and bondage. My Master has slowly introduced these different aspects of the bdsm lifestyle to me and I always find myself begging for more. I know however that He is very sadistic but my pain threshold is very very low. I also have a terrible fear of needles and blood. He knows this and has not pushed me very far, claiming I please Him enough already. Is there anything I can do to increase my pain threshold? Physical pain gives me little to no sexual arousal. Can I somehow practice to associate them more to please Him in the future?

Answer

Dear Lauren

Thank you for your question.

First it is so nice to hear that the two of you are a good fit and that you are happy in your chosen station.

Let me first say.... slow down.... breath..  smiles. All things in time.

Your master as experienced as he is, knows that conditioning you for more pain takes time and more experience. It sounds like he is exposing you to different things and that is wonderful. BDSM, buffet style, offers us a chance to see what really works, for both of you.

One thing to consider is although he is a sadist he might seek just as much pleasure "bringing you along" Eventually you will get there. When something new is presented to me i try and stay present for it and really see where it takes me and then share that with my owner.
Journaling is another way to take a snap shot of your progress in areas of surrender and play. Where you were, three months ago is very different than where you are now… it might also help you to see where you have progressed in various areas of your slavery.

I have to confess there are some things in play that are sexually arousing and some that are not. Perhaps (and this may not be permissible) the rhythm, speed or application of play may allow your head to catch up with your body... For example: If a cane was applied slowly and sensually, building up to the harder levels of play you might find it more arousing,  subsequently you would associate the cane with something more erotic or pleasurable and thus become more aroused...

It is possible that the goal of your play sessions is not for you to be sexually aroused. I find that as caring as master can be if he is a true sadist; when you are playing he is not concerned with your pleasure... It is later during sex that he might care whether you are aroused.

Of course, this is all of course conjecture, as i don’t not know either of you. But it might be something to talk with him about so that you have a better understanding of how he works...

Again thank you for the question. I wish you the best. Please let me know if i can answer any further questions..

warm regards
Slave ziggy