Expert: Oscar G. - 1/23/2010

Question
Hi
thank you for taking the time help me put things into perspective.I have been aware of my submissive self since i was ten years of age, i never new what it was about but the sexual energy was very strong, the fact that i had no outside influences (porn or other like minded people) that it came from my soul has in later years blown me away, even at that age i was tying myself up and anally stimulating myself and also delving into some forms of cbt. I have since many fetishes which intrigue me no end.

My question is i am continually asking why was i blessed with this energy which becomes so strong at times it's scary, and am i asking too much (where does it come from). I seem to be getting lost in the why and not enjoying the journey, i believe this has also effected my inner happiness in my life, I hope this not to confusing.


             Kind regards Edward

Answer
Hi Edward:

I know many people started experimenting on their own at the onset of their awareness and self experimentation. What you are asking is part of the natural evolution of self acceptance of being kinky, and possibly differently wired. Some people never question their kink drive or their dominance. Yet, when growing up one questions everything including who and what you are.

What is this energy? It is a combination of lust, anticipation, adrenaline and endorphins. Some other feelings and emotions are brought forth by these activities we like. Why do we have it? our body and senses tells us it is pleasurable, but it is out mind that rationalizes the hows and motivation behind it. All these questions become more defined and sharpened if you share with others who are in the same frequency as you are. It is good to be defined and know who you are, and then being able to share it with people who will understand it. The issue would be to admit you like what you like and it is OK. It is normal to enjoy being submissive, since after all your eventual dominant partner will be in actuality caring for you and taking you into his/her hands. No shame on liking something that most other people may not understand or enjoy, but there are those who do, and you are not alone. You just have to learn more about the world and people. Learn that BDSM is a big subculture that has a lot of people like us. But also requires that you are responsible, educated and informed. BDSM can be intense and that is why people like it and do it. It is normal. Just find other people to share, even if it only ideas and thoughts at the start. My best advice is: RELAX, and flow with it, but keep on learning and communicating with others.

I hope this helps you see through the matter and realize that you make yourself happy, by accepting who you are, and although kinky and into BDSM we are for the most part normal,and quite human and humane.
Best wishes to you. Be well, be safe and have fun.     
Oscar G.