Expert: Robert Rubel - 10/12/2010

Question
I'm talking online with a potential live-in slave. He seems experienced, was owned by a family and looks proper in his letters. He lives in a deferent state and plans to relocate. I've never had a live-in slave and a little worry. What should I ask and do to be confident and safe? What should I do and how should I act at a first meeting? I'm a single mother. Thank you very much for your answer.

Answer
Lady S,

I'd certainly ask him for references -- at least three -- and actually speak with them on the phone.  Often, what is NOT said is more important than what IS said.

How is/are his:

work habits
cleanliness
honesty/integrity
personal strengths
challenges/weaknesses
emotional?  needy?
hot buttons
why is he no longer with his prior Owner(s)?
what do people in the BDSM or Leather community have to say about him?
what does he offer you that you actually want?
how do you intend to use him -- sex slave, personal assistant, cook/domestic service?
what does HE want from YOU?
why did he agree to come to you?

First meeting:  It's up to HIM to impress YOU.  Assign him a task and judge how well he fulfills it.

Bring him out to you for a weekend ONLY.  Test.  This way he goes home so you can think about it.  DO NOT let him move in with you before a number of such weekends and perhaps a test week or two.

What books has he read about being a slave?  This can be very telling.  If you, yourself, don't know the books he should have read, write to me at my regular email account and I'll send you a resources page.  PowerExchangeEditor@yahoo.com

Join www.FetLife.com  It's free.  Post this question on the "ask a female" or "masters and slaves" groups.  You'll be bombarded with suggestions.

If I've missed anything, just write back to me.

And you really should have read my book: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice.  It lists lots of material in there that you'll really need to know to avoid stepping into a bear trap.

Best ever,

Bob