Expert: Robert Rubel - 10/10/2010

Question
Greetings,
I met my future wife on line through a dating site.  We are both madly in love with each other.  We plan to be married in five years.  We have what most call an LDR.  Now I am well aware of what my sexual needs are.  I have tried the gambit from swinging to Bondage to Role playing.  I have been in many discussions with Masters and Subs about where do I fit in when it comes to BDSM.  I know that I am a switch.  Now what was intriguing to me was, what is  my partners orientation?   I had her take some test on line that would determine you sexuality to Bondage.  It turns out she is allot like me in that she like to take control and also likes to be not in control.  I have found our relationship to be quite dynamic.  I will call her Mistress "" and then know to act as her slave and follow through all her commands.  Then when she wants her needs met I will then act as Sir Cyg and have do things that are in a submissive nature. Like giving her tasks to perform that can be out of her comfort zone.  These things really do excite her, this leads to be believe she may be more Sub than Dom.  But then again she turns around and uses the same method on me.  We are both in love and have used the bondage thing to keep our LDR fresh and exciting.  What I have seen is that there are some things that will bother her because of her RL issues.
Together we came up with a safe word and use it when those RL issues come up.  Can we develop this relationship into that kind that only poets write about using these methods?  I don't think I will ever be a true Dom or Sub.  I love the role playing, and it does excite me to think about what she will do to me or what I can do to her.  Please digest this and let me know your thoughts.  From those I have known that are true Subs and Doms.  Their best advice to me as a friend has been "do what makes you feel comfortable" Be yourself and find happiness in that""


Answer
Well, as all relationships are different, I'd have to join those whom you've already asked.

I'm a switch; been owned since 2001 and was given my own slave 18 months later.  Thus, I understand your range of interests.

Whether you two can sustain this as an LDR is under your control.  If you wish it to be magical and poetical, you might consider writing about your secret meetings (phone meetings).  Each of you could journal -- perhaps ending up as a book where the notes on the left page are hers and on the right are yours -- each describing the same "meeting".

I guess I'm saying that you have to make your own magic.

Do I think that you can do that?  Yes.  Absolutely.

Bob