Expert: Oscar G. - 10/5/2010

Question
I have a story, not a question, more like, the feelings that I have for the dominant who i have evaded, resisted, fallen in love with, hated, critisized, can't stand at times. I'm 21, and he is actually my first relationship. we met online and i hate talking about it, but so far, i feel like...anyway..."we", or who i was at that point in my life when i met my master, incredibly angry and pissed off, just realizing/exploring bdsm via the internet...is so different than who i am right now. I shared very hesitatnly my fantasies with him, which he embraced, along with who i am...but thing is, he thinks i'm beneath him, and i'm not sure whether or not i'm okay with that. at times, I feel absolutley indignant and offended, and someother times, silently, I'll concede, and submit. HE means socially, and I mean heirarchically. anyway, it doesn't change the fact that when I'm aroud him, it feels right.

Answer
Hi Lila:

Sorry for the delay to get to you.
But your question elicits a reply immediately.
In this case being your first relationship BDSM or vanilla otherwise, can be messy and confusing and have to sort out what is normal or not since you have no previous frame of reference.

In my opinion, mine at  least mind you, you should be happy in your relationship and satisfied. Or at the very least content. Having doubts could be normal at times, yet feelings of HATE, Anger and  humiliation are not that healthy for a relationship to be able to thrive and survive long term.
A relationship based in self loathing or hate or anger toward something is bound to loose steam or be very taxing on your energy and psyche.
Also being young one  matures, evolves and mutates into a better person with time and experience. So, we are never the same person we were a year ago, are we?

Also if the sharing of you vulnerabilities was at a low, weak  spot in your life and you have grown from it; it is the consequence of having shared with the wrong person at the wrong time. Now your insecurities, likes and dislikes are used by someone whom you may not be totally compatible outside having information and things you told him that he can use on his favor to claim you in some manner, or satisfy you in some levels. But being cross and not quite compatible at his core with you. Think about it. Other than the BDSM stuff you shared in your angry phase in the past, how much are you really compatible with him. How often do you clash how often are you at odds in BDSM situations and in vanilla situations.

If you do not agree to humiliation and you have expressed it, then you should speak up. If the situation chafes you speak your mind. If he will not have the consideration to  modify that, it could be time to move on. He may be doing what he does  by interpreting what you said time ago as something you want. But if on the other hand he is like that of his own whim and personality, then it is another sign that perhaps you are not compatible if he is always like that and you do not agree or like that.

I hope this gives you the insight you need.
Be well and be safe.
OG