Expert: Robert Rubel - 10/6/2010

Question
my boyfriend has told me he wants to be my sex slave. we have role played some, but i just don't really know how to start it off. When i try to initiate sex, he says he is tired or whatever, he says i am not MAKING him submit. How can i truly make him submit?

Answer
Hi, Mara...

He has some fantasy going around in his head about what it is for a woman to be a Domanatrix and what he needs in order to be a slave.

In real life, a M/s relationship isn't about "making" the slave do something.  Slaves have a passion to serve and have chosen a worthy Master (gender free) to serve.  I have been owned for eight years.  That doesn't make me a submissive.  My Mistress is a FemmeDomme.  There are all kinds of structures out there.  You might want to pick up a copy of my book: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice.  It really sets it out there for you.

For HIM, however, the book would be: How to Capture a Mistress by Karen Martin.

This is a book specifically written for submissive men who are having trouble knowing how to present themselves to a dominant woman and be accepted.

In fact, most submissive men do exactly what your boyfriend is doing: they approach a dominant woman and offer to be their sex slave.  Trouble is, most women will just roll their eyes and tell them to get a life.  Women can have any man they want; if you really want a dominant woman in your life, you had best understand what you're asking for.

Furthermore, if I were in YOUR shoes, I'd ask him to produce his reading list that taught him how to be such a spectacular lover.  I'd also ask for female references.  And, I'd ask him for his area of specialty: licking, fingering, toys, sm stuff?, intercourse positions?

In the world of M/s, when a potential slave approaches a potential Master, the opening questions from Master would be: "Why me???" "And, what do you bring to the table that I will appreciate?"

Oh -- if he wants you to "make him submit" through physical punishments, then what you do to make him submit is to deny him any form of punishment and withdraw some time with him until he gets the idea that he'd better comply with your wishes if he wants sex.

Hope this helps...  (Most M/s relationships start after each person is in their 30s+++.  They have to master sex and relationships first.  M/s is VERY much more complicated and much more work than "marriage".  I was married for 17 and 14 years.  I'm 66.

Bob