Expert: awhitecloud - 11/3/2010

Question
i hope i can articulate this well enough without making it
confusing.

i have been with my husband since i was 14, we got married
when i was 17 and im 26 now. my whole nature revolves around
wanting to please and be very submissive to him (ive always
had that need to please others ever since i can remember).
my behavior was that of a submissive role without me even
realizing it until his personality started to change for
various reason. it started when he got out of basic training  
then when we moved to a new state and then each time both of
our children were born. he has gone from this person i had
the most respect for, to the person i have almost none at
all.  and he is not mean at all and i know he adores me but
he lacks in something that i have yet to understand
(leadership, alpha male.. not really sure if its even either
of those) it makes me want to rebel against anything he says
when it use to be i took everything to heart and took the
most pleasure in pleasing him.
When i finally realized what it was i was doing(i thought i
was weird for the thoughts i had) i tried to discuss it with
him and even tried it out a bit.  i read plenty about it and
tried to get him to and while he was trying to be a little
more dominant i still lacked that respect for him.
also, when i started to lose that respect my sex drive just
went downhill. for a 26 year old my sex drive is almost non
existent when it comes to him.
i thought if i just pushed it out of my head that i can go
back to being happy the way i use to be, but i feel like im
losing something important by ignoring it and it actually is
kind of depressing.
i have no clue what to do. i just want to go back to feeling
like im doing what i was meant to do.

Answer
Honestly I am not sure how to direct you. Part of the acting out is to see if he still cares enough about you to punish you and to correct you as well direct your life still.

You need to maybe write him a letter and then try to talk with him.  

As far as the sex drive issues well speak with your Dr about that. I know mine has kept increasing and there are no men my age that can keep up.  So please ask your Dr about that issue.

You started young, I am not sure how a person can be in the lifestyle so long with out a brake of some sort.  I know that kids change the dynamic of things but you have to still keep going, you just do om in a little different manner.

You can never push being a sub out of your head it is in your heart and soul it will never leave you nor will the feeling that things have on you though it all.

His actions are what builds the respect in you and through you, you can not change that he most be the one to step up and make the changes happen so that you can and do respect him.

I hope that this has helped maybe a little, I feel for you as your in a hard place.  Keep your head up and never forget your place live each day with honor and respect to yourself.

awhitecloud