Expert: ziggy ziegler - 11/20/2010

Question
Hi Ziggy,
I'm in my mid thirties, have come out of a long term
relationship earlier this year, and now want to explore
myself, listen to my yearnings and acknowledge that i have
had submissive longings for many years.
I would dearly like to find an on line Master or
Mistress..which may lead to meeting them for real. I know
that this is potentially dangerous, so would you advise me
please on the safest way to find myself my first Master or
Mistress? I would be very grateful for whatever advice you
can offer me. The internet is a minefield, i'm just not sure
where to start.

With many thanks,

Amber.

Answer
Hello there Amber

Thank you for the question. Lets take a look and see how i can help.

First, i am sorry to hear of the ending of your relationship. However this is a wonderful opportunity for exploration.

Finding a Master/Mistress. Unfortunately, there is no easy way of finding an owner. You are however, wise to learn safe ways to go about finding a suitable partner. Its important to employ the same safe guards and with any new acquaintance. There is a group of folks who are currently working on a "national safe call network" This means if you find someone and you want to meet them, you can call them and tell them where you are going and what time you plan to be home. If they don't hear from you they will attempt to call your cell phone two or three times and then if they don't hear back they will call the the local police. With people using the internet and meeting people from that venue the safe call network can be a great safety net. However, even though its helpful persons meeting someone from online should never assume they know them until they have had time spent with them. Common sense goes a long way in keeping one safe as they venture out.  

My personal opinion is always going to be find a local group. Most well established BDSM groups, Master or Mistress/ slave groups  will have an internet presence.  for example. Google "BDSM Atlanta GA"  Or BDSM Asheville NC" These are just examples you would type in your own area and state. This should reveal a list of groups in your state and area. I would join the groups list and when you feel ready contact the list owner and express and interest in attending a function. Sometimes the group leader will meet you for coffee and talk to you so you know what to expect. Most groups are very careful about privacy and have rules of conduct ( not a big deal ) No one should expect you to submit to anyone in the group. Your going to gain experience and have support as you learn and discover what is comfortable to you. Go for a month or two maybe even three months if someone is interested in you it will give them a chance to get to know you and you know them. I am a strong supporter of group affiliation for someone who is new. Most people are not going to be abusive or harmful in the community where they are a member.

Another nice thing is that in a lot of areas there are weekend events which are educational. For example my owner and i go to the master slave conference in Silver Spring MD. This is a weekend of workshops and socials. Its a safe way to learn about a variety of aspects to relationships. Other events are more for SM and play..those are kewl to because you get to see a variety of kink and SM and can sometimes experience a variety of things from people who are skilled. These events can be rather intense for a new comer but it can also be a great way to meet other slaves/ submissives and learn from their experiences as well

The next avenue is online. You are right its a huge mine field. But commonsense is never a bad thing. i am a member of FETLIFE.COM Its a large site and there is some good information but of course when reading things on the internet one must test out these ideas and add a dash of sensibility. A slave once posted about how she was cages 24/7 and was kept in the basement as a sex slave. i always wondered how she could really be in a cage somewhere if she was posting daily to a group in collarme.com. There are however, some experienced and sensible slaves posting on topics. Its a chance to create a profile with a tasteful head shot. ( not i said tasteful. i never recommend a single inexperienced submissive put on naked pics just because it may communicate something different than what you intend.) The serious folks may just pass you by and the fringe questionable folks will flock to you. The last thing you need when you are taking your first steps.

All in all the net is a tool and an avenue to getting involved. It can even be a safe way to discover things. However, i never recommend it being the only way someone experiences the lifestyle, so much is lost through the distance. So much is learned though face to face interactions.

I am happy you are interested in exploring your submissive nature. I have been exploring mine since 1983 its been and interesting road; one i am happy i stuck with. I wish you the very best. If you have any further questions or concerns please feel free write back.

best of luck Ms Amber smiles

warm regards
slave ziggy