Expert: ziggy ziegler - 11/7/2010

Question
i married my Master 5 mths ago. It seems that He doesn't want to use me or play with me. I just feel like a glorified house maid lately and have brought it up to Him. He is a self professed workaholic and cannot seem to find the balance. I am starting to become very depressed and am tempted to find another Dom. Is this normal in a Master/slave relationship to become blasse as time passes?

Answer
Greetings Susan

Thank you for the question.

I think the thing that rings true for me is that over time all relationships change. It is our hope that as they evolve, they do so with both parties becoming closer. Unfortunately, that may not be the case.

In my relationship, my owner is some what of an workaholic as well and on occasion we both lose site of what we feel is a healthy balance. We both acknowledge that this is something we must be willing to work on.

For me personally, i see it for what it is. Her work ethic is not something i change in her. I can however, change how i approach it. I find in my relationship, as a slave my role is to support her path
To bring her pleasure and in some case ensure she has what ever she needs to do what he needs to do. Unfortunately that may not include the things i enjoy.. I may want and love to be used but it just may not be possible and it is something i have to accept if i desire to remain in service to my owner.  I find this approach, if done with a full and willing heart actually draws my owner closer to me. She is less stressed and more relaxed; which means we get more play and sex time.

i understand that when we start out in our relationships that its new and exciting but over time life has a shitty way of getting in the way. i kind of see me as the person that removes the obstacles so that when we are together things are more relaxed.

Having said that, i also think that making sure the lines of communication remain open is another important thing to remember. I don't want to sound like you don't have a right to feel as you do, i guess i am encouraging you to talk with him as much as you can while at the same time perhaps shifting your though process. How can you make his life more enjoyable while accepting who he is. If you honestly feel you have done all you can and he is still uninterested perhaps seeking permission to seek out additional play partners might be what is needed. What ever you do please make sure you are open and honest about all of what you do with others. There are some that dont and whatever love and trust he has for you would be irreparably damaged.

Does this happen in master slave relationships? Yes it can. The thing to remember is that M/s relationship dispite the structure discipline and highly evolved social and sexual interaction are most often just as any other relationship. They have both positives and or negatives. What ultimately happens in the relationship good or bad means both parties have to be willing and able to meet the "needs" of the other. I have long said that " we may not be equal in the decision making process and structure but we should both be equally invested."

Susan i know you are going though a hard time right now and i wish the very best for you and your owner

warmest regards
slave ziggy