Expert: awhitecloud - 12/8/2010

Question
I met my current boyfriend on a popular dating website, completely outside
the BDSM scene. While I have always been curious about D/s relationships,
and have watched videos and read sex stories involving BDSM, I never actually
expected to meet another interested person, much less experience it.

Well, during the first time I had sex with my boyfriend, he picked up
immediately on the fact that I like it a little rough. Afterwards, he revealed his
active interest in BDSM, including some of his previous experiences meeting
up with women online for this purpose.

Now that we know we have this similar interest - our relationship has turned
away from courtship and romance, and  into the beginning of a D/s
relationship. As much as I desire this type of relationship, I honestly wish we
could get to know each other better first, fall in love, have mutual
respect/admiration/passion for each other...then later have the D/s
relationship. It feels backwards to me. I have been married before, been in
love before, and know what it feels like to have a solid, trusting
relationship...and that's what I want. I'm afraid now that I am only being seen
as a submissive, rather than as a object of my boyfriends love and affection.

Is it possible to have these two parallel relationships - D/s, as well as
romantic? Or a combination of the two? Is it possible for a dominant person
to be in love with their submissive, enjoying the sexual aspect of the
relationship but also appreciating, loving and respecting his woman?

Answer
okay I am lost I have not been in a D/s relationship that is not about love and romance.  I do not know how the two are different? D/s should be about getting to know each other, as well talking and exploring slowly together.

I have not been in a D/s relationship that I have not been loved and adored as well made to be something special.

I am not sure how or why it chanced, but you need to talk with him, and well maybe just put all the D/s on hold and get to know each other first. In my book D/s is about a lifestyle not just sex play in the bedroom, that is just kinky sex or BDSM play.  For most when you hear D/s that means a lifestyle and it is very little if anything to do with the bed room and sex at all, it is about something you live and abide by on both sides.

Well talk with him and good luck, i hope you can get what you want and need.  have a happy holiday season.

awhitecloud