Expert: ziggy ziegler - 12/13/2010

Question
dear ziggy,
i have been interested in bdsm since i was 16, im 21 now, and in the past few years i have been more drawn to bdsm.  i have researched about being a slave and it appeals to me, but i now have a boyfriend.  although its a long distance relationship, met online and really clicked.  in the past month i have been kind of lonely, seeing others around me with their partners gets me down, cuz i cant hold him.  this urge though, to find a master and serve him however i can, it feels like something i need to do, but i dont want to leave my boyfriend.  he is into light bdsm, but i cant be with him to do anything.  im not in this relationship for sex, i do love him and i dont want to hurt him.  i just really need some insight from someone else.

Answer
Greetings.

Thank you for the question. I hope i can offer you some insight. Please remember i answer questions based on my experience and observations in real time.

It sounds like you really care for your boy friend and don't wish to hurt him. However, it also sounds like you have a strong desire to surrender and serve a worthy master. I can't help but feel that the best course of action is honesty. I am sure you have expressed and interest in BDSM and he is somewhat ok with it. I think the question is can i do this online thing and watch my friends with their partners? And Can this online situation afford me what i need physically and emotionally? Lastly, what is it i really want and what am i willing to offer a potential master.

I believe doing your research is very important. However, at some point we have take a risk and venture out. There are groups/munches and organizations all over the US and in some cases the world. Its a great way to learn and get support from others while you look for the person who will be compatible with you.

I understand that you are in a difficult situation and wish to do the right thing. My recommendation is to talk openly with him and see what he is comfortable with. There are relationships where one partner goes outside the relationship  to get their SM and D/s needs met while maintaining their current vanilla relationship. I find that this arrangement can work as long as everyone is open and honest.

I hope i have offered you some ideas that will be helpful.

warmest regards
slave ziggy