Expert: ziggy ziegler - 12/3/2010

Question
Hi! My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we
have been exploring our sex lives for most of it. For a long
time we have been leaning further and further towards bdsm
and we would like to progress further and possibly into a
master/slave relationship. The only problem is we have 3
children. We want to be sure that our relationship doesn't
have any kind of negative effect on them. They are not old
enough to understand that mommy LIKES to be treated that way
by Daddy but not all women do and not all women HAVE to. I
don't want my daughter to believe that women MUST be treated
that way and end up in an abusive relationship. I also don't
want my sons to think that it is ok to treat a woman that
way without her consent and thus become an abuser. How can
we go about delving into the world of M/s without it
changing how are children live?

Answer
Dear Luci

Thank you, thank you, Thank you for offering this question. I think more people who have kids should ask this before diving in and then wondering what they are going to do.

It goes without saying that children learn just as much, if not more from what they see others do. Not much will get past them. So here goes some of my thoughts. Please don't hesitate to mull it about in your heads talk about it and take what makes sense to you as parents.(of course smiles)the

The nice thing is that there are a lot of people in the master slave lifestyle who carry out their relationships and have children.

The interesting thing is that your relationship as master and slave can be carried out in any situation as long as the master and the slave develop strategies/protocols that fit the situation. For example: Mistress and i have been together for the last ten years and she has developed levels of protocols. These are rules, ways of interacting that are meaningful to both of us as an M/s. 1-3 ... one being the lowest and three being the highest. Sprinkle in a morning ritual and an evening ritual with your master. In addition, how you view you mastery and slavery  is important. If you see your M/s dynamic in the same way one sees a play scene it will prove to be more difficult to do this around your kids and others. The way you interact  with your master should always depict respect as should his interaction with you. This does not mean that there is equality because your owner should have the last word on decisions in much the same way as 50's families deferred to the husband. People can say that is backwards and dosen't fit modern ideas of relationships but then again either is the master slave dynamic. Smiles.

Master sets the rules of behavior with a keen eye and understanding of your role as a parent and the work you do outside the home. Its doable you just have to put thought into it. Of course i have to add that all forms of SM / play should never be done in the presence of your children ( sorry i have to say that) as many the laws of many states do not recognize consent as it pertains to SM play, especially around children.

In addition i recommend people just beginning to work on the M/s dynamic find other masters and slaves with kids for information and support. There are local groups ( or with in driving distance) That are very careful to respect the need for privacy for its members. There is also a master slave conference in the DC area in sept. The groups and events usually offer educational opportunities as well as social support for those interested in the lifestyle.

"google... BDSM and insert your city or larger city close by.... most groups have an online presence and if you join their lists you can find out when they meet and what activities the groups plan. If you are interested in attending i would contact the lists owner and see if you can meet ahead of time to talk about your concerns and or interests. So groups are better fits than others but all groups offer safe places to explore...

It is also important to share with one another what you want your relationship to look like in any given situation and find ways to  have the BDSM play sessions like play dates where you have sometime to connect with SM  and sex.

I wish you the very best in your journey and in your relationship

warmest regards
slave ziggy