Expert: ziggy ziegler - 3/3/2010

Question
How do we get started? My wife is naturally submissive, she wants to please. She likes to be spanked but when it is time for discipline she wants to negotiate it. How do we push past this? I believe we need to have a list of expectations by both of us then consequences. She is ready to be my slave,and she wants me to train her, but I have never trained a slave, so I dont want to mess up. How do we get from HOH to master/slave.
Thanks I hope this is not too confusing.

Answer
Greetings Sir

Thank you for the question.

Might I recommend you begin by finding a group in your area. It is generally through others that we are able to learn the basics of negotiation; which should be your first step.
I recommend setting aside sometime (not right before  you are ready to give her an erotic spanking.) and discuss the following.

1.   What does having a Dominant submissive or Master slave relationships mean to the both of you. What would that entail?  Start slow and build up, this could be as simple as verbalizing what your intent; you be the master and she be the slave.

2.   Start slow; keep it simple: She agrees to obey you. Build on what you are already doing. A comfortable place is usually in the bedroom; nothing wrong with that.. from there once both of you are comfortable there then if you like you can begin to extend that into other areas of your daily life.

3.   Do some research: Again finding other kinky D/s people for socializing and for learning can be very helpful.  Also there are some reputable sites out there where you can get more ideas. Test those ideas and make sure they work for you both. In addition there are some good books out there Robert Rubel does a nice series of books; one called “Protocols for the female slave.” That should also give you other books he has written. There are also conferances out there that are educationally based and I believe they can be very helpful as well

4.   Lastly do what feels nature. I believe in the beginning it good to go slow and allow things to develop as they may. No need to rush things. Bear in mind that your wife’s need to negotiate is all part of the process of surrender. By having more straight forward conversation with her about you both want and need and through your consistency you will find over time her need to negotiate will subside.

As for slave training. The best place to begin is with discoving what you want in you day to day relationship. May i also recommend various learning opportunities for your wife... you can google any of these. Servants retreat 1 and servents retreat 2... submissives journey weekend.. Master Tianos training accadamy... There is also a nice article under the title "BEST slave training" it can give you some general ideas.. but please make sure that you look at anything your read to see if it fits with what you both are trying to accomplish. There is a masters training as well.. This is to help the master sort out questions and concerns.

Also.. there is www.fetlife.com

Again thank you for your question; please feel free to follow up if you have more detailed questions… unfortunately because I am not there with you and because of the constraints of this medium there is just so much to tell. Smiles

Warmest regards
Slave ziggy