Expert: Eirene Nayar - 3/17/2010

Question
Hello there. I'm sorry if after reading this you feel that my submission was tedious but some advice from an expert might put me at ease or atleast comfort me on some level.  I'm a 20 yr old college girl whom belongs to a 23 yr old law student. We have been in this Internet long distance phone call relationship for almost 4 years this coming June I believe.  I'm commited to my master I would do anything for him except serve another master on his order.  I refuse to serve anyone except him.  I love him, I love my master. However there is this horrible cycle I go through.  Whenever he calls me or txts me I get happy and giddy and forget myself.  Then he doesn't call or txts me for weeks or days at a time, I once didn't hear from him for a whole month and this sends me to stage two of the cycle the mopey sad stage then after that I go to the angry stage then the feel nothing stage.  But right when he calls the cycle begins again.  I've grown accustomed to how he operates however now I'm feeling I suppose ignored or cast aside maybe even neglect.  My friends (whom are not into bdsm) comfort me by telling me he is busy with school or work and for a little bit I'm ok with everything. But recently I'm feeling hollow and empty. I miss him telling me he loves me and that I'm his only kitten. I miss the sound of his voice yet here I am wondering if maybe this relationship of ours is over.  I suppose my question is from what is mentioned above if I should confront my master about this, find another master, or just silently stand by and cope with these heart breaking emotions of disappointment and neglect? This keeps me up at night and I sometimes find myself crying over it.  It would be nice if you could shed some light on my dark parade for I as a simple slave girl in total infatuation with my master cannot see think or feel clearly if there is doubt clouding it all. Is it all just me? Am I the one inflicting this upon myself?  I follow every order he gives me and I pray I did well in pleasing my master but it just doesn't feel the same anymore.....  Any help is greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

~* Corinna, HIS Girl from Mars

Answer
Hi Corinna,

First let me commend you on the way you committed yourself to your Master’s service.  Your devotion is palpable even at a distance.

Have you ever met him RL?  Have you felt the warmth of his touch or the sting of his whip?  Its hard to gauge your knowledge and experience of BDSM from the short note.

What I will mention is that you were extremely young when you started your relationship with him.  And if you have never seen him face to face then have to wonder of your ability to see the relationship for what it is.  So I am very glad you wrote me.

Any 4 year relationship that has not gone on to the next level of ownership.  Meaning, taking things into more then a phone relationship  has already failed you and is not worthy of your submission.  That is the hard truth of it.  And you really already knew this otherwise you would not feel abandoned.

So, as heart wrenching as it is right now it is for the best that you beg release from him.  Make it a clean quick break.  Your feelings of pain and all of your emotions are very normal but I think you will feel some relief and be able to heal even grow stronger to the point where some time in the future you will find a Master that wishes to own you for real.

After you have had sometime to work through those feelings then its time to investigate the BDSM lifestyle more deeply.  I mean read everything you can get your hands on.  Check out some BDSM clubs in your area ((Be aware that some clubs are restricted to those over 21)).  Talk to people in the lifestyle, fill out a BDSM checklist ((available all over the internet)).  Make out a list of the 10 qualities you need in a Master for him to deserve your devoted submission.

There is also a website called FetLife where BDSM people gather to talk and ask questions about *everything* related to relationships in the BDSM lifestyle.  (This may also be age restricted not sure))  You may need to wait until you are 21 to fully explore any real life BDSM.  But, actually I think you could do with a bit of waiting.  There is still much to be done with simply reading everything you can.  Go to Amazon.com and do a search for BDSM under books.  They have many books available for slaves and dominants.

I wish you well and I hope to hear from you again.

Eirene Nayar