Expert: Oscar G. - 4/9/2010

Question
I recently discovered that my partner was cultivating a relationship via text/emails with a sub and planning a meeting (although he claims that nothing had yet happened). Aside from the shock of being cheated on, I was quite upset that he had not open & honest enough to explore whether or not this was a lifestyle that I would enjoy, especially since I have been very forthright about pursuing any desires that either one of us may have. Since then he has been teaching/encouraging me as a "sub". I have been quite happy with this especially since it has resulted in more frequent sex play and he claims to be satisfied. We are working slowly towards some bondage, etc., and he knows that I am not into any extreme dominance/pain but he says that he is not into any heavy duty action/sadism. My question is: Is it likely that he truly will be satisfied with what I can share with him and be happy with me as his "sub" or could it be that his love/respectfor me will prevent him from truly realizing/exploring/fulfilling his fantasies and that an anonymous/unimportant "sub" will be more satisfying and I will still end up cheated on in the end?

Answer
Hello Newbie Sub:

I certainly think talking and sharing your fantasies and REAL feelings and desires would be the they for him to be satisfied and and not wandering around. The more he gets to know you and play as a sub, it is not very likely an 'anonymous' sub could ever match your knowledge of his desires and the skill that you may develop as a sub with what are you doing together right now.
Other than the past slip of not being open  about BDSM previously, it seems you both are open and experimenting. Desire level and and tastes seem to  even out between you from what you write.

But the main thing is: Keep lines of communication open before and and after the bedroom. If you keep you ears and mind open and you fulfill his needs #and him yours!# you should keep each other happy and sexually satisfied without having need for anyone else. After all you can see that being a sub and knowing his tastes takes time and effort to discover and  learn. Once he knows you can give what he needs and knows that you find it enjoyable and sexy, he will not bother looking much elsewhere. Good BDSM partners are not THAT  easy to find <smile>.
SO keep at it talk, share fantasies and make them real for each other.

Bets wishes. Be well, be safe, and have fun.

Oscar G.