Expert: Eirene Nayar - 4/28/2010

Question
My husband and I have decided to add a little flavor to our marriage and one of the things we are trying out is spanking both erotic and as a form of punishment.  At times, the pain can last for a while afterwards and I am wondering if there is a lotion or cream that you would recommend to use, as part of the aftercare, to help with this.  Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my question.

Answer
Hi Nicole,

In BDSM spanking is used to induce pain and sometimes even leave marks.  I can recommend for you no creme because in this life style that is counterproductive to the whole reason for doing it.

What you do not mention though is emotional aftercare.  Which should always be a part of any scene.  Holding and cuddling afterward as the pain rests itself within your flesh.  Talking about the experience and how you feel regarding can also be helpful in aftercare.  But the pain...that is the gift you should not want to numb.   Regardless if it is for pleasure and especially if it is for punishment.

Perhaps you need to rethink your connection to this activity and why you are doing it.  Or why your Top is asking it of you.  What are his motivations and what he hopes you gain from it?  Do not numb it feel it..and feel it intensly.

If by chance you perhaps meant that you wish him to induce more pain with the application of the creme then of course any creme will do or even some type of body oil that he can massage into you deeply so that you feel it that much more.  A massage after a spanking on your ass with a generous supply of cuddling after sounds really nice.

I wish you well and I hope this has given you some insight,

Eirene Nayar