Expert: ziggy ziegler - 5/27/2010

Question
Hi Ziggy,

I am a submissive female and have been in a bdsm and loving committed relationship with my Sir and partner for almost 2 years with the bdsm aspect being confined to bedroom activities only.

We have a fantastic sexual chemistry and find submission in the bedroom to Sir easy and natural.

That being said we have been struggling in our relationship and Sir has asked me to consider a more permanent 24/7 arrangement to which i have given many hours of thought and consideration and have agreed to willingly.

I would like to offer my Sir a "pledge" if you like of my submission to him that signifies a move from bedroom submission to 24/7 as this is a massive and significant change to our relationship.

i have trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings into words that will please Sir and show my devotion.  My question is - do you know where i can go for assistance in drafting such a pledge?

Thanks for your help in advance

Josie

Answer
Dear Josie

Thank you for your question.

The pledge is a wonderful tool for sorting out thoughts, ideas and feelings; while sharing the submissives intent. I applaud your endeavor to write one.

The word i am familiar with is 'Petitions and Contracts"

The petition is your request to surrender to the will of the dominant/master/mistress. The pledge that you make is incorporated in the petition. I really like this tool as a way of sorting out what you believe surrender entails. Unfortunately, petitions seem to be a dying process within the D/s community; making it harder to find examples.

Below is an idea based on a petition format i used.. I would invite you to first take your time and if you don't mind writing a bit it can be really helpful. I have also enclosed some writing exercises/questions to help trigger some of your thoughts.

Points of discovery;

1. What role am i willing to take on?
2. How do i define that role?
3. To what extent am i willing to act out that role?
4. What level of control do i wish him to have and what might that look like?
5. Are there areas to which you would like to retain control?
6. What does trust mean to you within your relationship?
7. What road blocks or sticking points do you see as you convert your relationship from and egalitarian based relationship to a power exchange relationship.
8. What about the power exchange relationship speaks to  you?
9. What is your motivation for surrendering?
10. How do you see the day to day functioning of your relationship changing?
11. What about your past relationships worked and what did not? What was your role in what worked and what did not?
12. What difficulties are you currently experience in your relationship and how do you feel a D/s dynamic will help?

These are just some points to help you explore your own thoughts and feelings about surrender to your Sir. Feel free to expand the list as new ideas arise.

Now for the pledge.. Divide it up into 5 main parts...or paragraphs... the pledge or petition does not have to be lengthy or complicated. Try to focus on what you are promising. The petition does not have to be formal and some of the best ones are letters from the heart.

1. Into:
2. The role you wish to take on with in your relationship
3. What that role means to you?
4. What you would like to offer your sir?
5. Ask for his guidance as you learn and grow in your role.

That should give you a start... definitely make it your own.

One thing i would like to add is you had mentioned that you were having some trouble in your relationship. Please consider that those problems will most likely still be there even with a D/s dynamic. If not address D/s can actually magnify those issues. Might i recommend looking into the root cause of those issues just so that as they arise you can identify them and use the constructs of the D/s dynamic to support a healthy D/s dynamic. having said that the D/s dynamic can greatly strengthen the bond and connectivity between partners/

I hope i have given you a place to started. I wish you the best in the transition of your relationship and your journey into surrender.

If you have further questions please feel free to contact me....

warm regards
slave ziggy