Expert: Oscar G. - 6/18/2010

Question
I am 21/f my new boyfriend (8mo) is 21/m virgin. I have been his first for everything and we havent had sex yet. I have been in a lifestyle marriage and am now divorced...I then had a dom that was into ropes/bondage light torture like nipple clamps, wax, whips up until I started dating my boyfriend. (I am dominant in everyday but need the release of being sub in bed) We have tried the ds thing a few times...and he seems to learn and catch on very fast (with everything actually) but he is very passive so the dominant thing is hard for him. I dont mind top from bottom to help him learn but I'm not sure I know enough to really accomplish much. He does great if I continually tell him what to do (aside from he is not sadistic or dominant at all so I must reassure him I am ok and enjoying the session constantly) He is not into pain or bondage much on the receiving end so I cant really show him by doing it to him and I am not good at being full dom anyways. He is more than willing to try anything in bed to please me but training him to be my dom is difficult I'm not sure what I'm doing here and I really need help/resources. We are monogamous so a third party is out of the question. What can I do to help him learn and learn more myself and what sort of resources are there? We live on Ohio/Michigan border.

Answer
Hi Liz:

The best way these day and age is read. Unless there are local BDSM organizations that could teach you stuff and be social in Detroit or Cleveland. However there is a plethora of book in the topic of BDSM these days? Which one you might ask? Read the reviews in Amazon.com. There are some topics that are generic, and then some more specialized, with varying degrees or levels of intensity or "hardcore experience". There should be a few that would suit right your level, without being too simple or too wordy and also without being too extreme.
You will be impressed to the number of books there days in the topic. And they are shipped discretely to you.
However more importantly there is the topic of attitude and aptitude. He does seem to want please you, but perhaps he may not have the right chops to be Dominant. But also it would be good to simply sit down and exchange fantasies, ideas, possibilities. And figure out things that match and compliment each other. Or the stuff that really seems to get his blood going. Or yours and make him see it really does. From there you can narrow down the scope of your interest and work in learning more about them and eventually doing them. There are so many BDSM topics (check Wikipeda for BDSM) that there has to be  some that really interest and intrigue him (and you too) but the cold text and description may not be as sexy and seductive as when you see it in action with other  couples. But if the IDEA first grab you is a good sign to explore. Going out to BDSM clubs in a larger city could perhaps open your eyes to new activities or suggestions, without you have to play with them.
The Internet is chockful of BDSM resources. Look for "BDSM munches" in google and will possibly show you if there is something somewhat local to you to eat and talk with people who think like you and exchange ideas or perhaps point you out to other organizations BDSM related.

Either way, I hope with this, you have enough clues and insights about what to do next.
Be well, have fun and take care.
Oscar G.