Expert: awhitecloud - 6/18/2010

Question
Background: We're a white couple, I'm 43, wife is 39, well off financially - I run 2 businesses. Kids (2# now off in college. We started the OM situation 6-7 years ago to mainly keep her happy. My thing is business %26 $$. Tara has had many lovers in those years while being very discrete in her affairs. About two years ago she went out w/ a man named Clause and didn't return home until day break the next morning. Upon arriving home she was naked except for stiletto heels and a collar she didn't leave with. She was handcuffed w/ her arms behind her back and a complete mess. No car, no purse no nothing. She walked the last 2 miles home hiding behind bushes as cars passed by. That night was her first experience w/ someone who was into serious bdsm.
  Sense then she has further entered that lifestyle to the point now that several men essentially dictate 80% of her life. Everything from her schedule to her wardrobe. In a way its extremely erotic in another it's perhaps more than what I bargained for. She has gotten several tattoos and ring piercings in places you can imagine. I'll not get into specifics but things have been spicy over the past two years to say the least. For the most part I can accept it as she always make time for us when planned. And not just sex. The troubling aspects are her weekends away and the physical signs of her activities. Most weeks she's out 4-5 night give or take some. Usually once a month sometimes twice she'll be taken into some Manhattan underground club/retreat for a Friday-Sunday jaunt. She'll return Late Sunday looking like something the cat dragged in then sleep for two days. Her masters loan her or trade thru some exchange of subs in this network. The things that happen #she tells me everything , as no secrets are kept) are far beyond what most could ever dream in a ghastly nightmare.
   She doesn't denie the mind raptures these times bring her. My fear is they may go too far. The bruises %26 scars brought home attest to my concerns.
   With her desire for this lifestyle to continue is there a way I could get the activities/time involved to tone down w/o alienating her?

Answer
Okay, this does bring on some concerns.  Have you told her how you feel about this?  You need to talk with her, can she not find a Dom that she can go and play with and be in a much safer environment?  I know where we live that are a lot of Dom's as well weekend dungeon parties she could attend and not be gone all weekend and be much safer I would think.  Can you at least give her safe call times when she is away that she is to call you and check in? Then you would know she is safe at least.  As to the marks and all who is to say what is to far? But I myself think that it is not so safe to have a lot of them all the time.  Your body needs time to recover and heal in order to be safe.

This is a hard place, no one can say what is right or wrong, but safety needs to come first and for most.  Talk with her, and even sit down and talk with her Master, and let him know of your concerns, he may be able to change things and not have it all an issue and still meet her needs.

Thanks for the question, and I wish you luck, I know that has to be a hard place for you.

awhitecloud