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BDSM/How to avoid Topping from the bottom

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Expert: - 6/1/2010


Question
Stephen,

I have been a submissive as long as I can remember, and for the past 3 years it has been a must for any relationship I've looked for. Naturally, it narrowed my playing field, and for a long time I was very promiscuous and unhappy when my former Dom abused his power over me and hurt me. I am very outgoing and take-charge, and so I crave the physical and sometimes psychological freedom of restraint from a loving Dominant.
I have recently developed a relationship with a man who has not had any BDSM experience, but has taken to it very well and surprised even me. Together we have found that my promiscuity is a "kryptonite" that he can alleviate with a well-placed order. I feel I am finally ready to be in a collared situation with this new man, but I am worried that I will be leaning or depending on his Dominance too early. How do I remain an obedient and willing sub to a just-blossoming Dom without manipulating him and taking the "fun" out of things before they really begin?

Answer
part of that is his job to help you learn and not to allow you to Top from the bottom. you need to think about who and what you are off and on each day and what that means to you, it helps.  just be true to yourself as well the Dom....needs come first not the wants, keep the order and your head will stay more on track as well.

Best of luck to you,

awhitecloud

BDSM

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awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

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