Expert: Oscar G. - 6/5/2010

Question
im 36 and married to a guy who was in past heavy into bdsm lifestyle and had a bdsm relationship with his last partner.  When he met me he thought i would not like this so never talked about it much with me, but now i know he longs to go back to this, he was a switch and i dunno had to get into this lifestyle or what i should do.  I don't know what scences are or how to make him happy what can i learn to do?

Answer
Hi Sasse:

He likes what he likes, and perhaps you may want to please him, but it would be only in regards to what you already enjoy or could enjoy with him. I would say, throw away your preconception of what "heavy BDSM lifestyle is" and research the topic from scratch. While you do that find and get in touch with YOUR own fantasies... Some may be more BDSM than others. But i bet there are things within "the lifestyle" you may very well enjoy.

The effort would be twofold, on one hand you have to find out what he likes. On the other hand, you have to read and research all kinds of of BDSM activities, some will appeal to you more than others. Other may even appear extreme or off putting, yet the trick is to find the middle ground. Stuff you will enjoy and that he may as well. The point would be to define yourself, and figure out if you feel like a submissive or more like a dominant, or perhaps you like to also switch and go back and forth on the fun.

There are plenty of books on BDSM easily obtained by Amazon.com aimed at beginners. Once should suit you, but also the trick is to get in touch with your wants and needs sexually. And you fantasies and imagination. BDSM is mostly a sandbox to play with, where imagination and willingness are the limitation to participate in plenty of activities. Figure out what he likes and why he likes it. Then take a look inside yourself and figure out those 'darker' needs you have considered or craved. And be playful about it. Explore, have fun and communicate.
I hope this is  good first step in your discovery or another dimension in pleasure and enjoyment.
Be well, be safe and have fun.
Oscar G.