Expert: awhitecloud - 6/2/2010

Question
I have always been interested in BDSM, especially D/s, humiliation and pain. I identify as a straight, submissive, sadomasochistic woman, now in my mid twenties. My problem is that although I have had some experience living out my fantasies, every Dominant partner I have found tends to be quite emotionally abusive outside of the bedroom, and has often left me without any explanation or, in some cases, even a goodbye. I feel I am perhaps not adequately expressing my wants and feelings from the start, which tends to be off-putting to prospective partners. I'm highly attractive, intelligent, but unfortunately rather shy about letting any new partners know about my desire to be in a D/s relationship. Not long ago I met someone who I felt an immediate bond with, but again that failed after a long period of head games (on his part) and emotional damage. I'm wondering if you could offer any advice to someone relatively new in the BDSM scene looking to explore safely, without shame, but also with caution. I don't want to continue this cycle and would like to meet someone who is on my level. But right now, I fear that past hurt is keeping me from trusting anyone enough to share that side of myself.

Answer
okay some thing that might help....make out a list of all the tings you want and need from a Dom.  Save the file and when you meet someone one tell them I need you to review this and see if we can be a match or not.  That has helped me as I tend to serve and please and then not get what I need back.  it has helped where I might not open my mouth soon enough in the relationship.  So i get it out there and i do not have to say it...they will either say no thank you or come back on ways to modify it.  Some things I can modify as to wants and need some just can not be done.  So I head on down my own trial looking.

I hope this has helped you even a little but.

awhitecloud