Expert: awhitecloud - 6/30/2010

Question
I have uncovered a side of myself that seems to have lay dormant for the beginning years of my life. My husband and I started dabbling in the arts of bdsm, and now it seems to always be there, like I have opened a box in myself that unleashed a lust, a hunger for more...at least for me...I CRAVE...

This isn't just something that started last week. This is something that I have been living with for years! I feel so...insatiable, unsatisfied.

My problem is that I don't understand any of it, and I don't know how to talk to my husband. He enjoys the play in the bedroom; however, I would like to try lifestyle...During play, I play the role of sub; however, in daily life, I have more of a D personality. I make most decisions (not by choice), and I have an occupation that leans toward the more D side of the spectrum.

I guess my question is: Do you have any suggestions to help me dig deeper into my core being to uncover the secrets of who I am? Am I a switch? I would enjoy my husband taking on more of a D approach in daily life...does that mean that I am a sub? I don't want to surrender ALL control, there are some (very few)limits ...does that make me vanilla?

I don't feel comfortable talking this all out with him until I truely know who I am. I know that I am the only one who can answer that, but I can't seem to figure myself out. Is it possible that I am a switch? Or could we both be subs? Should I just give up and continue to live in this confusion?

I sometimes feel that I will never get the satisfaction I am craving. I am in a cycle that seems neverending. I can't figure out who I am, without experience. I can't do that without the communication with him. I can't communicate, because I don't feel comfortable about who I am.  

ANY suggestions? I would appreciate your thoughts.

Answer
Well why do you not print out the letter that you sent to me and then talk with him about it?  Or write him a letter about how you are feeling.  You need to talk with him, communication is the key to a D/s relationship. You most learn to talk with him and open up to all aspects of your life.

You could look for different way to learn as well look for a much group in your area and learn and talk with others.

I am not sure what to tell you other then to gro and learn, as well learn how to talk with your hubby.  You most be open and honest in all areas or it will never work.

Thank you

awhitecloud