BDSM/Rules

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Expert: - 7/29/2010


Question
My boyfriend and I are currently in an M/s relationship, where he is my Master and I'm his sub.  We've been dating for around 3 months but have slowly come in to the BDSM lifestyle over that time, being in our current Ds relationship for around 2 months.

Recently, we had a talk about how we both wanted to get deeper into the Ds lifestyle, extending it to more than just scenes, but with rules for when we are in public or apart-as well as specific ones for when we are alone. However, this is the first Ds relationship either one of us have had.  Thus, we both are a little unsure as to what kinds of rules would best help us strengthen our relationship and deepen our exploration of the Ds lifestyle.

Would you be able to give us examples of the sorts of rules and protocols that we might be able to use or base other rules off of?  Thank You.

Answer
Hi, Stephanie...

Actually, I'm the author of the books that I'd recommend to you.

•   Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (M/s Studies Books) by Robert J Rubel
•   Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel
•   Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – the advanced course
•   Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 – living in harmony


The first book will help you understand what "deeper" will mean.  It's a book about setting up a Master/slave structure.

The second book is exactly what you're asking about: rules of behavior for the female slave/submissive

The third is really important, whether in a Vanilla or M/s structure. It gives you a host of strategies for identifying and addressing differences in your communications styles.

You don't need the fourth book at this time.  It's for couples that have been together for some time and are having basic relationship challenges.

Oh, and you may want to join www.Fetlife.com  It's free.  It's where us kinksters hang out.  If you join, I'm Dr_Bob (not the one in Australia).  You're welcome to do a friends exchange with me.

In Leather Heart and Spirit,

Bob  

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Robert Rubel

Expertise

Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.

Experience

Author of: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice; Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled: Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.) M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course; M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category. ... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.

Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I

Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.

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