Expert: ziggy ziegler - 7/15/2010

Question
i've recently met someone online who says it would make him happy Having a woman train him to be the best friend,lover and bitch she cud ever want....who would constantly push my boundaries for the good of us.
i've never tried bdsm but been looking on the net at various sites and i love the thought of controlling a man and i'm very interested to start seeing him but being new just wondering what kind of things to say and do to him ?

Answer
Dear sam

Thank you for your question.

Congratulations on making such a inspiring connection. I noted that you are from the  uk is that correct?

If so might i recommend searching Google and your area to see if there are any groups, organizations or dungeons/ fetish clubs. I mention this because some of the best learning about how to proceed in giving your partner what he or she needs in the way of control and sensual play can be learned either by observing or by talking to other couples who are along the same path.

One thing that i tell new couples interested in creating a power exchange relationship (where one party relinquish control to the other) the best place to start is where you are the most comfortable which is in the bedroom.. You know what you like and its a good place to start expressing your needs and controlling how he gets his sexual needs met. From there it becomes easier to talk about other areas  you would like him to please you  or what i refer to as serve you. For example: in the morning you my want him to make you coffee and bring it to you naked and present it to you on his knees. If he is visiting and you do not have to run off to work you may require  him to be fully naked while in your home. The important thing is to talk openly about how much control is comfortable for both of you. i noted that you both would like to push boundaries that are good for both of you. Might i recommend some discussions around where those limits are. I generally ask what are a persons fears. Understanding where those fears come from opens the opportunity for you to push those limits with out actually braking any trust you build.

For me trust is critical to doing any form of power exchange... building that trust comes slowly but if you both take your time i can imagine that your venture into dominance and submission with be successful.

Again try to find people in your area that are involved in D/s. One other resource is a site i like called FETLIFE.com its free and there is a lot of good information. One word of caution take your time and if it makes sense and fits have fun with it. If not take it as information and allow for your own individual expression..

Thank you again for your  question.  If there any further questions please feel free to write again.

warmest regards
slave ziggy