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Expert: - 7/26/2010


Question
Hi, I am faced with something I am sure is very common.  I have recently discovered I am a sub/masochist (a few months ago).  I have been spending time with a wonderful Dom.  We play lots, talk lots, spend time together just touching and being...it is overwhelming me in happiness.  I try hard to spoil Him as much as He spoils me :)  I have developed a very strong emotional attachment and I am wondering if this is a good thing?  He wants me to explore the lifestyle and meet people in order to truly discover what I need/want...and I will try to do so...but really I just want to be with Him.  I am sure, as I said, that this is very common...am I headed for disaster?  We are both mature adults so we both bring some sensibility to the table at least lol  It just feels like I am falling hard and fast...we have become friends/lovers as well as play partners...the chemistry is very strong. I am sure this is not new to Him and He is fully aware of how I look at Him...I am not trying to hide it...I am just not seeing where the path is leading to.  Oh God...I have plunged into the deep end haven't I? lol

Answer
Hi, lynn...

I do apologize for this delay.  I thought I had answered you, but evidently not!

Yes, very common.  Also, the slave/sub usually falls in love harder than the Dom or Master -- this is more true in M/s structures than in D/s structures, though.

In a general sense, the door into BDSM only works one way.  That is, you're unlikely to return to the World of Vanillas with another relationship.  The world of BDSM is soooooo much more interesting, that few go back.

I'd encourage you to read some books.  Here are my suggestions:

•   Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by
       Philip Miller
•   SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
•   Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame
•   Sensuous Magic 2 Ed: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia

Yes, you both should join your local BDSM club.  If he doesn't already know of one, do a Google search for "BDSM" plus the name of your city.

No disasters on the horizon that I can think of...

Best wishes in Leather,

Bob

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Robert Rubel

Expertise

Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.

Experience

Author of: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice; Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled: Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.) M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course; M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category. ... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.

Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I

Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.

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