Expert: Oscar G. - 8/5/2010

Question
Recently, my boyfriend of three months broke up with me.  This would have already been tragic, but on top of losing a boyfriend, I lost my Master of 2 months.  Now, on top of coping with the breakup, I also have to remind myself not to follow our rules. I made him take the collar when he broke up with me, so that is no longer here.  Is there any other advice you can give to lessening the blow of losing my Master?  How do I go back to being a normal person, who happens to like being sub?

Answer
HI Kimberly:

Usually the emotional questions are a bit harder to answer since all the intellectual and physical rules to follow could be spelled out for you, but the heart would  still not quite be mended and sensitive to the hurt. But within the best i can offer is to soothe yourself with the comfort of conviction and belief. And up to a point disassociation.

Separate the fact of the relationship from the person and from the elements of Dom/Sub. The relationship did not fail because of BDSM. But probably more related to the person. Or perhaps due to differences in communication or defining the dominant and sub roles in a different way that expected for each.

The point is identify, why did it fail, learn from it and take comfort that you broke up now and not later. IT would have been harder with more emotional investment in it, and having kept at it for longer would have made you miserable for longer. It hurts now, but time soothes, if not heal, wounds. But gotta stop dwelling in the pain, and instead turn your mind to the future, and rebuilding yourself better than before, stronger and wiser. Just taking a break of BDSM is recommended, but not mandatory, yet taking some 'ME' time to evaluate situation and let go of it. Cherish the good of the past, learn from the bad and the mistakes done and move on. Gain from the experience and grow as person.

Sounds perhaps easy to be philosophical about it. But the more you think and are metaphysical and metaphorical about it, the more distracted  and removed from the pain and the feelings you become. IT is small and cold comfort, but it helps and any little bit helps.
Been there, done that, got the scars for it also. But you will be better for it.
Hug for you, and blessings on your own path.
Oscar G.