Expert: ziggy ziegler - 8/7/2010

Question
i've been in an M/s relationship for 5 year, 24/7 - i live and work with my Master who has His own business. He has always wanted a second slave and we have had several attempts at finding someone who would fit in with us and his children (who don't live here but visit often). He recently brought over someone from abroad who, it turns out, has severe mental health problems. i am ashamed at the way my Master handled the whole situation. She has been challenging to say the least, but He has lost His temper with her on numerous occasions, using what i would see as violence and verbal abuse, not domination, to try and control her mood swings. She has been verbally abusive to me and i retaliated a couple of times (it's hard not too) but have since learned how to ignore her tantrums. My question is: what do you do when you lose your respect and trust in your Master? i have to say, my respect for and trust in Him was shaky before she came, but it's a whole lot worse now. The children love me, and i love them. i think they need me. He needs me to help run His business - but i feel trapped into serving someone i don't respect. Any thoughts?

Answer
Greetings J

Thank you for the question and for having the courage to reach out. I recognize the strength in you.

Not having been there with you please understand this is coming from my own experience and what i have observed. It is far from me to tell you what you should do but i will insert myself as if i was you.

To me, trust and respect are two of the most important elements in any relationship i have. If for some reason i find myself losing respect for someone who is close to me i can do one of two things. One i can talk to that person or  two, i can pull away and distance myself from the person or the situation.

One thing i have learned over the years is that when dealing with Masters/ Mistresses who you are getting to know or who i am in a relationship with. is that we have to be on the same page with regards to our ethics. Are our core values well aligned. In any give situation that arises are we going to come to the same conclusion with regards to how we behave.

Two: A litmus test for how a person will ultimately treat me is to watch how they treat others. In times of stress when dealing with others do they follow those core values they say are important. If they become abusive; verbally of otherwise towards others it will usually only be a matter of time before they act out those behaviors with me.

Three: I do know that once you are entangled with a partner its hard to know what is the best thing to do. This is never so true that when there are kids involved. I also know in Master slave relationship there is a lot work done to surrender to the will of another. Disentangling from that seems daunting. However,if there is a potential for abuse taking back your autonomy is something as a matter of self preservation might be warranted. Please do not make the same excuses i did for bad behavior should it become directed towards you.

Lastly, Understanding that Master has within his or her power to take on new slaves. However, it is a wise master who considers the welfare of all who serve in his or her household. If a slave is a disruption and brings about negativity with in the household my question would be why is she there. There are some Masters that love the drama of it all and they soon lose the respect of those slaves that are stable.

So what are my thoughts concerning respect. In short, i can not serve one i do not respect. Further more, if i don't respect them i also recognize i also don't trust them. To me trust and surrender go hand in  hand. One thing that might be helpful is for you and your owner sit down together and have an open discussion about how you have been feeling.

I used to think that coming to my owner with complains or my feelings was not a very slave like. That some how if i said that i am for Masters pleasure and his purpose and if it was his pleasure to have a crazy person in the household it was not for me to question it. On the other had i am also charged with open and honest communication. Ten years later i realized that no matter what, i must follow my internal eos. I can not or will not participate in relationships that i personally feel diverse from what i believe to be healthy for me.

Having said that, i know any decision you make, either to talk with your owner and share you feelings or should you choose to leave his service it must be based on what you feel is honoring the person you know you are. I know that any choice you make will not be done lightly.

I hope I have addressed your question. If you have additional questions please do not hesitate to follow up.

Warmest regards and best wishes.
slave z