Expert: ziggy ziegler - 8/31/2010

Question
Hi, my other half and I are starting a Master/slave relationship. We have been together for some time now and have discussed this to some length.I have known that I am best suited for submission for quite some time. And he is more suited for the Master of our relationship. I am looking for advice on how to go from a vanilla everyday thing to being able to conform to some of the things he wants. I am finding that while I do most things without even thinking of them, some of the things like going from calling him babe/dear to Sir/Master are a little harder for me than I though it would be. Is there anything I can do to make it easier to do the transition? We work together as co-managers and I find it easy enough to follow his lead, for the most part. He handles more of the hands on stuff and people, while I stay more in the back ground giving my advice and sticking to what I am best at which is the business part of it all. While working he has asked me to call him Sir, which I don't have a problem with. Calling him Master in private is proving a little harder for me. Is there anything I can do that would make it easier for me? I know that this is what I want more than anything and I would do anything to make him happy.
Kinda confused,
Candybars

Answer
Greetings Candybar

First allow me to congratulate you on your new journey into the Master slave dynamic.

Taking those first steps are fraught with a combination of excitement and a wee bit of apprehension and confusion.

This might sound a little trite but the fist thing is just be  yourself. There are certainly things that will change in your dynamic. How you address your owner is usually, as you said a bit of a switch but as you grow in you slavery/submission it will get a easier.

I too assist my owner in her business and we have family that we spend time with. One of the things we had to work out was how were we going to maintain the sense of our M/s relationship in the company of others who may not understand the "Yes Mistress" response to her. What we came to was that in the south people don't seem to bat an eye with Yes Ma'am or yes Sir. And like you it is comfortable for me to follow her lead.

There is so much that you could do, but none of it has to be done all at once and rest assure you will have some growing pains. There are some good books out there that can give you a good over view of slavery. One that i like a lot is a book called "slave craft" It touches on slavery and gives some wonderful insight. The nice thing is that its written by a slave.There is also the "masters manual" I don't really have any recommendations for erotic literature. They are great for ideas in sexual role playing but not for much more.

In addition, there is a national group called Masters and slaves together. You can look them up at MAsT.net they should have a listing of the groups in your area. Other thing you might want to look into is BDSM groups in your area, by googling "BDSM and then the your city and state" The reason i recommend this is that as  you progress in your relationship its nice to have the opportunity to be around others along a similar path. Its also a good opportunity for your Sir to learn from other Masters and get ideas as to how to proceed with you. You can benefit as well from being around other submissives and slaves. Another way to learn more is (and may or may not) through reliable sites. The one i frequent regularly is www.fetlife.com One thing to remember is that no matter what you read make sure that it fits with what works for you and your owner.

One thing that took me a little time to adjust to is deferring to my owner first before myself. It was easy for the big things but making it automatic for the small things was a little more of an adjustment.

The adjustment comes from practicing by asking permission to do things. "sir may i be excused to shower?" Anytime an action takes your attention away from your sir. If you are getting up to get a drink " sir may i get you something to drink" when you are out or at home and serving dinner or out at a restaurant wait to begin eating until he either takes his first bite or give you a signal to begin eating. Why do i recommend those things. For me its a way of deferring, its surrendering to her wishes and putting her needs and wants before my own. These actions are called protocols and does help her free her mastery and me feel my slavery. Its practicing the mind set and they are building blocks for future. Mastery is very different from slavery in the learning process. Learning that is helped by interacting with other masters... and you other slaves. It is for this reason i recommend seeking out other masters and slaves. this is made easier by the use of the internet.

I could go on and on but i dont wish to over load you.. I will offer my best wishes to you and your owner.. I hope i have offered you some insight....

warmest regards
slave ziggy