Expert: Oscar G. - 8/22/2010

Question
Hi,

My female partner and I are both into rather light BDSM play
(mostly spanking).  She's the domme and I'm the
sub.  I like pretty hard spankings, and I would love to be
pushed past my limits, but in the heat of the moment,
I always ask her to stop or even safeword.  What I really
want is to have her spank me beyond what I want so
that I can get into sub space, that place where you
surrender to the pain and feel a kindof beautiful euphoria
or just satisfaction at having gone through an experience,
but I can't seem to get past my initial panic and
just let her keep going.  

She doesn't want to play without a safeword because,
understandably, she doesn't want to hurt me and because we
know what a strong psychological component BDSM can have.  
However, we're both very excited about the idea of
pushing me past my limits.  How can we do this safely so
that both of us are ultimately satisfied with the
experience?  Should we use a safeword?  How can I get past
my limits and keep from safewording too early?

Thanks,

Kitty

Answer
Hi Ms Kitty:
The trick here is pacing and slow build up. Ramping up intensity slowly is key to achieve that wanted subspace. But also it is feeling that slow burn of enjoying the situation, not only the spanking itself. Enjoying everything in the situation, and not the stimulation by itself, would help you ease into the subspace. It is after all a mental situation created by what is going on in your body.
So it is a question of experience from the Dom/Top part in how well to dose your spanking, and increase intensity slowly. But along the way some playful teasing and an just a tad of sexual stimulation help. Also the switching back and forth between soft and hard, would allow your body to intermingle pleasure with pain. She could spank you (hand/paddle)  and then caress softly with something very soft (fur/silk/etc) and then go back to spanking, increasing the pace and intensity ever slowly. The conditioning of your body and mind is the only way to achieve  those limits before you can actually pushing.
You cannot go from Zero to Sixty in a second flat. You accelerate slowly, and then gain momentum.
Safeword still should be used specially if she is not as experienced as a Dom/Top, or also because you are starting. Safety first overall.

So it comes down to slow build up, mix it up with other sensations, and actual enjoyment of the scene. Also the experience of your Dom and and the conditioning of your body would play  part into this and that requires time and patience. I hope this indications help you and your partner to achieve the desired goals.
Be well, be safe and have FUN.
Oscar G.